and she was holding onto a Jane Austin book like it was a grenade. It was a very interesting site for an out doors cafe.
I like the comparing the book to something, but a grenade might not be the best choice, because I get the feeling that you want her to be holding it tightly, not carefully. (i might be wrong, it does get the point across)
And "it was a very interesting site for an out doors cafe," is disjointed, doesn't really fit. How is it and interesting site? And it has nothing to do with the girl you were describing.
You also said she looked at the clock and walked away. This might have been an opportunity to describe a watch she was wearing or her wrists. You seem keen to describe her. Also you might want to add she got up or pushed away from the table before she walked away.
Otherwise, I read it because I saw it was from a male perspective by a girl. I loved the gay line, it was also necessary considering he likes Jane Austen. He sounds like a suave metro guy so far. Hopefully that it what you are aiming for. I will without a doubt read the next chapter.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Go to heaven for the climate or hell for the company.
The clothes make the man, naked people have little or no effect on society.-Mark Twain
Phew. That first sentence was long. I'd suggest taking out some wordiness:
"When I saw her, sitting on a bench close to the cafe I was currently sitting in [This sounds almost too formal, and "currently" sounds a little superfolous. I'd also change "was sitting in" to "sat in" otherwise it sounds a little too removed from the reader.], there was no question to it; [I think a period rather than a semicolon would be stronger] I absolutely [I think that absolutely is unnecessary, but if it's in the character's personality to exaggarate, scratch that last bit] had to talk to her."
The second paragraph seemed like too much information; was it necessary to describe everything she was wearing? Does it further characterize her?
"I had read enough ["enough" by itself is a little vague; I'd suggest saying "enough of them" to be perfectly clear, and even then, it might help to further clarify with a noun like "those books"] to know what they looked like."
But the first part of this paragraph: "Her Jane Austen title was illegible but the style of the cover was unmistakable" was nice in the assumption made by the character.
"I wasn’t gay, but if I was it wouldn’t matter, she was beautiful enough to make me straight again." This was kind of a random sentence. Maybe reword to "If I had been gay..." to clarify sexual preference as well as make your point.
"I had just recently seen the movie, which was crap compared to the book- but now I had just one more reason to talk to her." Hmmm, in my opinion, this is a borderline author-rant, but it has the possibility of working as long as it's just the passing reference.
"More adventure than romance and the "five" were awesome" Woah. I have no idea what this sentence is talking about. In this instance, I think you should add an "it was" at the beginning because the sentence includes two sort of phrases that could stand alone.
“Oh,” I stuck my hand out in front of her, “my name’s Ayden.” You're not gonna let him let her know [that his mother's brother's kid's cousin... sorry, done with the bad jokes] how bad the movie was? Could be a conversation starter...
"She laughed a little but made no motion to shake my hand, or tell me her name. She looked up at the clock and walked away. “I have to go.” This could be a great opportunity to insert some description. Something like 80 percent of communication is body language/isn't verbal [says my sign language teacher], so tell how she laughed, how she ignored the guy, how she looked at the clock, and it has the possibility of being more telling than any dialogue.
It's a nice beginning overall, but it seems like more should be set up to lead into the next chapter. Sure, the guy didn't get the girl's name [by the way, I didn't get a sense of how old anyone is; or does it matter? Dropping hints could be helpful, like if the girl was sitting next to a high school textbook, or if the boy was working on a report to submit to his boss] but so what? What does that mean to him? Is she going to become an obsession? Does the girl have a reason to withold her name? I'll watch for the next part, mostly to see what the conflict will become.
