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Freckles
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” I was sitting in the back of Chris’s car with him next to me. He had parked it somewhere out of sight, it was late so we knew that no one would come and find us. He had taken his trousers off, and in desperation for him I had too. My lips had found his way to his, and in a blur we were kissing like we had never done before. I looked at him, wondering what it was he couldn’t do.
“Why what’s the matter?” I kissed his cheek lightly.
“You’re nearly fourteen. Fourteen. It makes me a bad person right?” He looked away from me, turning his eyes to the dark outside the window.
“No, not at all…I want this. I want you.” I put my hands up to his face, pulling him closer to me.
“I’m moving away Jamiy. I’m leaving Rob and I’m going to start a new life. Just me.”
“Can’t you take me with you?” I pleaded, keeping eye contact with him.
“I’m leaving Jamiy…”
“I know, I understand that…but I can come too. You can’t leave me here, you just can’t. I love you.”
“You’re really cute…you know that right?” He smiled suddenly “And you will meet a great guy one day, one that’s not too old or anything like that!” He laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
“Don’t you get it Chris?” I took my hands away from his face, dropping them into my lap “I never wanted to be with you, I was forced to be! Now…now you don’t want me? What the hell? Am I just not good enough?”
“It’s not that at all Jamiy. You know that don’t you? I want to give you everything, I want to make you happy. I love you so much it hurts, I look at you and it hurts so much.” He kissed me again, but that time I pulled away from him.
“So, what’s going to happen?”
“What do you mean?”
“You love me right?” I ran my leg down his, allowing him to fall on top of me.
“Umm…” His voice muffled into my neck, his breath in my ear ran goosebumps across my whole body.
“Chris, please…a minute ago you were leaving, I need to know!” I gently pushed his chest away from me, he looked across my face as if he was taking in every little detail of me.
“Are you naturally ginger?” His nose crinkled slightly as he laughed.
“What?”
“It’s just…you have ginger freckles.” I put my hand up to my nose, covering it protectively.
“Shut-up I don’t even have freckles!” I protested giggling slightly.
“Yeah you do,” He gently pulled my hand away from my nose “You have one here, here, here oh and look there’s another one!” He pointed to each freckle on my nose, each time he said ‘here’ I counted. 38 freckles. Something was seriously wrong with my face, something was wrong with my eyes, how could I have not noticed 38 freckles? “I personally think, they are really cute.” He kissed my nose lightly “
“Jamiy…” He started looking away from me again. “I will come back for you ok?”
“Do you promise?” I sat up, pushing him up as I did so.
“I promise, I will come back and you can leave with me…” He smiled, a smile that I would never forget, it was that kind of moment where everything seems to go quiet and you become so aware of your own breathing that it is almost surreal. At that very moment I wanted the whole world to stop because I felt strangely complete. I had experienced nothing like it before and I have never felt it since. Its that strong feeling in the pit of your stomach, you question whether this feeling is real, if someone could really make you hurt so much inside just because all you want is them. It’s crazy to think that you could love someone so much that you feel physical and mental pain when you look at them, that pain that you would do anything for them. The pain and fear or them ever being hurt. The feeling in my stomach made me want to cry, the events of Luke, the bombshell of Chris and Rob’s break up and the baby. It all became a little too much.
“You know…I have had a well shit day Chris.”
