In the shadows

The room became dark as the candles were blown out by the winters wind coming through the opened window.
She lay still on the bed as her once golden hair caught the snowflakes as they danced through the room stopping only to cool her lukewarm body.
Her skeletal frame shivered as she pulled up the brown dusty rag, curling into a ball to try get some warmth.

Morning was only a few hours away, just a few more hours until she was let out to travel even further away from her family, her home.
She had lost count of the days she had been gone they had all rolled into one hopeless jumble of towns and nightmares.
Reality had become one less thing she had to worry about.

Her clothes held the stench of dried blood and tears. Though they no longer resembled any clothes she had seen before, they were more like strips of material to stop the eye from seeing all she had to offer.

She swallowed hard as she herd him stirring in the next room. What would today bring?
perhaps another disgusted look from a local, maybe a grab at her flesh if she was lucky and if not she would be passed off as another shadow, not worthy to even be thought real.

A few suggestions...

winters needs an apostrophe - winters'

Open rather than opened perhaps?

She lay still on the bed as her once golden hair caught the snowflakes as they danced through the room, stopping only to cool her lukewarm body.
Her skeletal frame shivered as she pulled up the brown, dusty rag, curling into a ball to try get some warmth.

She had lost count of the days she had been gone; they had all rolled into one hopeless jumble of towns and nightmares.

She swallowed hard as she heard him stirring in the next room.

Other than that it's a little short but it has potential. Expand on your description and you'll do fine.

Hiya Libby!!! I really enjoyed this, first off, so I'm gonna crit this sentence by sentence so it can get better. kk? kk.

The room became dark as the candles were blown out by the winters wind coming through the opened window.

In this line, you need an apostrophe after the 's' in winters to show posession.

Also, you skipped a line between your first and second sentences.

She lay still on the bed as her once golden hair caught the snowflakes as they danced through the room stopping only to cool her lukewarm body.

You used 'as' twice in this sentence; it's repetative. ^_^ Also, you need a comma after 'room'. Try:

She lay still on the bed as her once golden hair caught the snowflakes that danced through the room, stopping only to cool her lukewarm body.

See?

Her skeletal frame shivered as she pulled up the brown dusty rag, curling into a ball to try get some warmth.

Because you used 'as' in the previous sentence, I don't think you should have used it again for this line. Maybe 'when'?

She had lost count of the days she had been gone they had all rolled into one hopeless jumble of towns and nightmares.

You need to either add a semi colon after 'gone', or a period. Otherwise, this is a run on sentence.

You skipped another line, by the way.

She swallowed hard as she herd him stirring...

you spelled that wrong for this kind of sentence. Herd is when talking about moving sheep or cows (I think), but the correct word is 'heard'.

perhaps another disgusted look...

Capitalize 'perhaps'. It's the beginning of the sentence.

...not worthy to even be thought real.

This would have been better written if 'of as' was added between thought and real.

Maybe:

...not worthy to even be thought of as real.

Other than that, I liked this a lot. I can't wait to see how this grows into more!!

Nice job, and good luck!! ^_^

Best wishes,
Leah

They've already given you all the critty and stuff, and I agree with kitty15 that you should probably expand your description. We can't visualize the scene that well, I can't at least. hehe

So, yeah, just work on that and you'll be good to go. Good luck!!

-Elizabeth

Yeah, is there gonna be more of this? Looks like you could expand this to make one good story.

Lukewarm IS body temperature... if you want to get technical.
Anyway, it's a good start, but I have no idea whats going on. So, if you continue, I have to agree with the others. A bit more discription of her surroundings, and some more information.
You don't have to give us the full story, but a little more, just so we can understand a little and wonder about the rest.
Anyway, I'll look for more.
Yay for libby!

-Nutty (your text budi)