Intrigue: Prologue

Prologue
__________


Dear Robert,

I've heard quite a lot about you and your detective work. In fact, I've even taken the liberty of interviewing some of your past clients. From what I've gathered, you do your job very well.

I've been through many, many detectives like yourself, and I must say that none of them can stand up to your achievements. This is why I want to hire you. And I assure you this is one offer you will not refuse. If you can solve my crime, I will have exactly one-hundred million dollars deposited at your doorstep. And no, this isn't a joke.

As I write this now, Mr. Otterman of Willow Street is slowly dying of poison beside me. In fact, I ripped this very pen from his breast pocket as he was gasping for air.

Find me, Mr. Samuels, and the money will be yours.

Ah, it looks as if old Mr. Otterman has passed on already. Sweet little man, he never even saw me pull out the needle. I must say he was the perfect candidate for my little challenge. No remaining family, living alone with nothing but his stamp collection. We shan't be having any false suspects, now shall we?

Oh, and if your pride will allow it, I've left a pretty little clue inside one of Mr. Otterman's coat pockets. I'm sure it will point you in the right direction.

Best Regards,
Miss Intrigue

SWEET! I started reading this on the home page and just had to click on it so that I could finish it. There is only one problem I see with it and that is this: DON'T LET IT BECOME CLICHE! Right now it is quite original and interesting, but I see how (in the future story) it could quite easily become no more that just a normal murder mystery.

One a suggestion. Have you read the book "And then there where none" by Agatha Christy? AWESOME murder mystery. Original too. Try to do something of the sort with yours. Make it original (good so far), un-cliche (don't let the readers be able to figure it all out before the end), realistic (don't all of a sudden throw aliens or something in there just so you can "outthink" the reader), and most of all interesting. (I think you could add some thriller-style stuff in there to spice it up a bit. You know more such stuff than the usual murder aspect. Maybe have some good fun old shoot outs!)

Good job! Please PM me if/when you do more. I'd love to read and critique it.

-Greenjay

DON'T LET IT BECOME CLICHE! Right now it is quite original and interesting, but I see how (in the future story) it could quite easily become no more that just a normal murder mystery.
I agree with this quote although i will definately say keep it up kiddo your soo creative

You certainly have a set-up, Magic. ^_^

I rather like the 19th, early 20th century diction and style of the letter-writer. (For the most part, you've kept it consistent.) But watch yourself and the story - with the way you've set it up, there are too many easy fixes and I think you can - and the story deserves - a few hard-penned twists. ^_^


As for the letter:

We shan't be having any false suspects, now will we?

You may want to keep that consistent by changing the final 'will' to 'shall'. Otherwise, you've 'shall not' and then 'will we'.






IMP



[ courtesy of the CCF ]

I've hear quite a lot about you and your detective work

I've heard quite a lot...

alternately,

iI hear quite a lot...