sometimes, i pretend my life is a movie.

sometimes, i pretend my life is a movie.

or a book, or a scripted play, or a musical. the day you notice me we will dance in choreographed swirls and sing a song of uncertainty and excitement; you'll sweep me in your arms and my summer dress, white with blue and red honeybees, will spin out like a carnival and we'll rub our noses together in an eskimo kiss even though it's seventy degrees out in the may sunshine.

sometimes it's nice to think that this has already been written. that everything i say is certain and meant to be. it's nice to think that someone has already thought through it all. sometimes you come in my head when i'm not paying attention, and i try to shove you out. i'm afraid of breaking my own heart. but sometimes i forget, and sometimes i pretend that i don't have to watch out for myself. sometimes, i pretend my life is a movie.

This was....a rather obscure thing to read, for me.

No, I do not think it is fiction. It sits well with the term prose, although some people use that and fiction interchangeably. "The ordinary form of spoken or written language, without metrical structure, as distinguished from poetry or verse." And that is certainly what this is, yes? Like a poetry, only not in verse but in paragraph form.

Now... Sometimes these are nice. They're kind of like internal monologues that the reader can sometimes get beautiful picture and analysis from but... I for one, have never really found any that I enjoy, because distinguishing it from fiction is difficult. And prose has a lack of plot, conflict, character, etc. everything that a story needs. So really, the question is, did you intend to write fiction, or prose?

If the latter, I suppose you did well? It just comes off bland. All prose it (to me) are thoughts put on paper, and that is all this is. Well, who wants to read thoughts? Sure, we read blogs, but we read them because we are interested in the person, or in the ideas the blog speaks about. With this prose (or, thoughts) we don't know the person, and honestly I don't care a lick about what she is saying.

It's almost like an excerpt from a love letter or something...hmmm.

Anyhow. That's my slightly long analysis of your piece. My only other comment: Please, for the life of everything that is holy, capitalize the pronoun, "I,", at the beginning of sentences, and every other place that calls for capitalization. If you don't capitalize, no one will take you seriously, prose, fiction, or otherwise.

Ah, and in a general note that I just recalled: repeating your opening line at the ending does...nothing. Perhaps if the theme of life being viewed as a movie was more strongly expressed. It seems more like a vague concept you want us to agree with from our own feelings of life, but it doesn't work.

Thanks for the critique--I don't usually write with any form in mind, and this just came out as is. Normally I only write poetry, as I start to flounder with conflict, plots, characters, etc--everything, as you said, that fiction needs. I agree that this doesn't belong in fiction, but I wasn't sure where to put it, and as it's one of my first attempts at something other than poetry I wanted to put it out there and see if it clicked for anyone. Anyway though, thanks for the comments, I'll carry them with me as I move on to other pieces of writing.

i think it was nice and interesting =) could be a tad longer, but you know, it's not as though you have to lengthen it.
=)
keep writing!