Isabella

Chapter One

The great force of the wind almost pushed Isabella over the edge of the cliff, where rocks tumbled down and splashed into the chilly ocean water. Isabella regained her balance on the rock and her heart slowed down back to its normal pace.

After a couple of silent minutes of looking at the waves, Isabella looked back at the city where a high tower with a clock at the top stood. The time was 6:33 in the evening, and the sun was just setting. She was glad it was getting back into Spring, she didn't like the rain. As she turned her head to reunite her eyes with the everlasting ocean, her eyes couldn’t resist and stopped on a family walking by.

Isabella shut her eyes tight and her nose tingled. She hardened her chest and tried not to cry. Whenever she saw a family walking down the road, laughing and holding hands, she yearned to hear at least one song from her mother, like before. She watched the family until they were a blurry dot in the distance. As they left her vision, warm tears formed in her eyes and then a familliar stream formed down her face. It stopped at the edge of her chin than let go and landed on her shirt. Isabella couldn’t stop the crying she did everyday. Lifting her legs up to her face, heels flat on the ground, Isabella placed each eye on a knee and hugged her legs. She slowly sobbed there on the cliff, alone, and only dreaming of being with her family again.

Chapter Two

This is a very good start, I am very intrested in seeing what happed to her family, only only complaint is this:

edge of the cliff, where rocks tumbled down and splashed into the chilly ocean water

She slowly sobbed there on the beach,

At the beginning she is standing on a cliff and is watching the family, and at the end she is only beach. If she is on the beach in the end then you need to write a sequence where she she making her way down the the cliffs to the beach, because it sort of threw me off at the very end, and confused me.

It is a very good start though.

Generally speaking, I liked this story, but I did notice some things:

The great force of the wind almost thrust Isabella over the edge of the cliff

I don't really think thrust was a good word here. Maybe, pushed? But other people might think differently.

The time was 6:33, in the evening, and the sun was just setting

The time was 6:33 in the evening. Don't put a comma in between 6:33 and evening.

Apart from that it was good! Short, but interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Not a bad start. It was short though. I'm sure if you wanted to you could add some flashback, a short scene or something where she's with her family and was happy. That could do a hell of a lot more with the emotion and relateablility of the story, which in the end has an verall better effect. =D

Good job! Keep up the good work!
-JC