POD 32 cont. -Promise -To tell all

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:!: Here you go Meeves =D this one's for you! hehe. Enjoy! :!:

Chapter 32 continued
-Promise
-To Tell All



They walked into the smell of fresh ice cream and candy.

“You call this breakfast?” Tammy asked skeptically.

“You call IHOP breakfast?” I bantered back.

“We all have our things, don’t we?”

Jamie smiled, “I guess we do.”

“Hi there, welcome to Coldstone!” A girl said cheerily from behind the
counter. She had long blond hair pulled into a loose ponytail and a visor
over it.

“Would you like to test any flavors for free?”

“No thanks,” Tammy said to her, “I’m feeling adventurous here today.”

Tammy walked up to the glass where all the flavors were displayed.

“Hey, Jamie, come here,” she called out excitedly, almost childlike.

“Yeah?” Jamie said as she reached the glass.

“They have pancake batter!”

Jamie laughed, once again realizing how Tammy still seemed like a
teenager in some ways.

“I’ll have a small pancake batter,” she said to the blond girl, “with…
blueberries mixed in.”

The girl, whose crooked nametag revealed her as Sydney, went to work,
scooping and mixing exotic ice cream concoxtions.

“Leave it to you to find IHOP in Coldstone,” Jamie said with a sigh.

“It was your idea, remember?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, “Hey, Tammy, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah sure,” Tammy was observing the cakes.

“What made you decide to be a layer?”

Tammy looked at Jamie, there was a hint of fear in her eyes.

“Order, and then we can swap stories,” she said.

Sydney turned to Jamie next, “and for you?”

“Vanilla with Oreo’s,” Jamie answered.

“You’re really boring,” Tammy said as Sydney got to work.

“Depends on my mood.”

“And what is that?”

“Curious,” Jamie said. Sydney finished the order and handed the ice cream
to them.

Tammy led them to a small round table near the back of the store where
she was sure nobody would be able to hear them.

“What are you curious about?” She asked, digging a white plastic spoon
into her ice cream.

“You said ‘swap stories’, it made me realize that I really don’t know much
about your past,” Jamie said, “it makes me wonder.”

“A lot of people don’t know about my past. I like it that way.”

“So why would you tell me?”

“Because, it’s something you need to know,” Tammy ate her first bit of
pancake ice cream, letting a satisfied look glaze over her eyes.

“And that,” said Jamie, “is what I’m curious about.”

“Like I said, tell me your story, and I’ll tell you mine.”

Jamie took her first spoonful of ice cream before starting, “where did we
leave off last time.”

“Richard’s razor,” Tammy answered.

“Oh yeah,” Jamie said, “it wasn’t long after that before you came along.

“I remember seeing you for the first time, thinking about how much you
were just like the others. I figured you would stay until my dad got fired
again, and then leave. That’s what everybody was like.


“Then I realized that there was something different about you. You cared.

And maybe, you even knew what he was doing. I didn’t realize that you
were different until you talked to me that one time, at the lake. When you
said you were going to leave. It was then I knew I could trust you.”

Tammy was looking down at her ice cream, pushing a spoon around in it to
mix it up even further.

Jamie looked down at the table before continuing.

“And then you left, and though I was happy, I knew the shit was about to
hit the fan.”

“What happened?” Tammy asked.

“The night you left…”

Jamie said it. Everything she thought she could keep from the world came
out of here. The whole time she told it her voice stayed strong, as if it had
happened to somebody else instead of her. And then Tammy did
something Jamie never expected.

She cried.




____________________________________

Chapter orders...

32
32cont.
32still
30.2
33


:idea: NOW POSTED!
Chapter 32 (still)
-Promise
-To Tell All
-And all shall be told
:idea:
Last edited by JC on Sun May 27, 2007 4:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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Hey JC. I'm sure we've all missed POD while it's been gone. At least the wait is over lol.

I didn't find any mistakes in this part. Your dialogue flowed really well, it was realistic. It drew the reader in.

So, I think I speak for everyone when I say it was (almost) worth the wait lol. Hopefully the next part'll be up soon. :)




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Noooo don't end there! Great. Now I have to wait longer. *sniff*

“And then you left, and though I was happy, I knew the shit was about to
hit the fan.”

You know I never have anything to quote about, but the first and in this sentence just doesn't fit right to me.

Mkay, I'm just going to wait for the rest of the chapter 32s. lol. I think in the end, you should just slap them all together and call them.... "Chapter 32" hehe. So I'll be waiting here for you to finish up with all your re-formatting and writing =]

--ROYA

PS: I've seen At World's End twice now. Beat that!
[url="www.royacrystaldoesnanowrimo.tumblr.com"]Follow my 2011 NaNoWriMo progress on tumblr[/url] or [url="http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/734471"]friend me on the official NaNoWriMo forums[/url]!




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hehe, I saw it at 11:40 last night, and was up until like, 2:30! So ooo! I just did! hehe. It's like, two midnight showings in a row!...only the first one was at eight...hehe.

and I posted the last part of chapter 32, so yay! That chapter's ended twice now! hehe.

-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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This is great JC, are you thinking of publishing?

The last line was FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Erm, nothing but praise from me today! :D So I'm off to read the next part!

Alainna
xxxxxxx
Sanity is for the unimaginative.

Got YWS?




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Yeah, I really want to publish this one when it's finished. My first attempt at publishing a book (illusions) well....lets just just say it didn't quite work out. So I'm really hoping that this one will.

Thanks for the praise! =D
-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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Velly goot, but one thing leapt out and bit my nose: for one sentance, you're talking in first person. Apart from that - swell!

-ST
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir




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hehe, opps...where is that?

I'm used to writing everything in second person, I'm gradually introducing myself to third (with this), and even second...which was a bit of a failure....*tears*

Anyways, thanks for pointing that out...

-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett




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I read 32still first, this makes more sense.

I hate being confused Oo

But this chapter was good, and I'll tell you exactly why: you asked tammy a question, and we got interested. We also wanted to know about Tammy, just like Jamie. So, this was good.

Unlike the last chapter(promise 1?) which had no real...interest in it? So, good job.

(I hope my critiques aren't too cruel =D I don't want to hurt you or your novel *pat pat* I only want to help you make it better.)
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo




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Sorry it's confusing...and don't worry about being cruel, everybody needs a healthy dose of reality, otherwise nothing would ever improve. So thank you, and please, continue the crits the way they are =D

-JC
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett



The thing about plummeting downhill at fifty miles an hour on a snack platter - if you realize it's a bad idea when you're halfway down, it's too late.
— Rick Riordan, The Son of Neptune