The Evangelist's Plague #1

"God is more truly imagined than expressed, and He exists more truly than He is imagined."
Saint Augustine




If you do this, there will be nonbelievers.

I know.

The texts will decline into tomes of paradox-- hardly a worthy base for one's lifestyle.

I know.

There will be arguments. And good ones, at that. And we can't even come down in blazing glory to keep 'em in line; 'cause they'll be absolutely right.

I know

Revelations will be wrong. The 7 years will follow the suit of the 7 days. It'll be in ethereal time, which isn't really time at all. They'll be condemned to His rule. And these are the ones that will be 'saved', mind you. Not to mention that--

What part of omniscience don't you understand?

Point taken.

Ever wafted into the celestial glade. It had been reserved for the solemn art of Creationism, and she was curious what the dark 'Enlightened Ones' did in this unusually cold plane. Blinking through the security prism, her iris-plaque glowed with a deep violet, allowing her to drift through unscathed. Her eyes were one of the many things that set her apart from the other Angels; aside from retaining their youthful tangibility, they were set in an unheard of color; purple. In fact, the shading was so absurd that when Ever went to find out where the tint was listed in the Archives, she discovered that it wasn't a color at all. So they named it after her mother, and throughout her first ethereal years she bore the whispered title 'deep eyes', much to her discomfort. However, it had the added bonus of giving her an all-access pass to the Heavens and the Earth (not that there was much to see down there but earth). The sect-wide pseudo-security was all identified by retina. However, sense there was no profile for violet, Ever was the hole in the system; and thus could go wherever she pleased. Well, she thought, let's have us a look-see at what is truly whisper worthy in the world. And with that she willed her movement forward, only to find her way barred by a most peculiar sound. It was the sound the wind made in tight spaces, the sound of a geyser venting off on the uninhabited Earth; the very noise heard when cloud droplets sizzled in a starlight-burst.
Hssss... tst.
And then the voice joined in with the hissing; and Ever realized, much to late, her most horrible mistake.

The opening is interesting, with the two characters talking. I thought it was really cute. I also liked the end; an interesting cliffhanger, I want to know what happens next.

I don't like the special eyes. There's something about special eyes (especially purple, glowing ones) that really makes a character seem very Mary Sue. Is there a reason she has purple eyes, and nobody else does? This reason (or lack thereof) chould either make or break a story, but more often than not, it breaks it. Be careful, because the rest of what you've got is good (except for a couple of grammatical errors).

Well, they only glowed because she passed through the security prism. I think I should make that clearer... And I'm planning on tying in the color with the plot, so hopefully it'll be a 'make' case.

I liked the blue!

If she had purple glowing eyes, shouldn't this story be in Fantasy fiction??

Read this: WTF

...

Please do not imitate this.

The ending is too "omgthedooropenedbutshedidn'tseethemanoutside"-esque. Basically? Don't tell the readers, "OMG, LOOK! SEE??? THERE'S ACTION EVENTUALLY!" Give it to them now. Conflict straight off is awesome.

oo, very interesting/intriguing/good/unconventional.
me gusta!
and everyone needs to stop with the purple;;
people DO have purple (violet?) eyes
it doesn't mean this should go in fantasy
unless your character IS an elf person or something, THEN that might make sense...
and,
yes.
keep writing!