Excuses

Biology Teacher: Why haven't you done your project?

Me: I had started doing it, and then I had to eat my dinner.

Biology Teacher: SO?

Me: When I came back to finish it, my cat was sitting on it.

Biology Teacher: Why didn't you move your cat?

Me: Because she was super-glued to it.

Teacher: Why didn't you do your homework?

Me: I have a high enough grade to skip little assignments like that. It's no big deal.

Teacher: *Silent*

I do this alot :]

PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: Your essay is late.
ME: My essay is late? No sir, I believe you're mistaken. My essay is early.
PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: No, the due date was three days ago.
ME: Was it, sir? Are you sure? Weren't you just saying something the other day about the subjective nature of reality?
PROF: Maybe...
ME: Well, sir, for me it's still last Wednesday...

Im always being told off for not having my shoes on at school so i did a different one about that........

Teacher: Where are your school shoes?

Student: That's a very funny story......

Teacher: Lets hear your new excuse then.

Student: I swear sir it isn't an excuse!

Teacher: Ok, ok go on then.

Student: Well on saturday i was visiting a carnival, when there was a bike eating competition being held, so i helplessly wandered over to see what it was when a midget strolled over and asked if he could borrow my shoes because i wore my school shoes that day to make sure i wore them today to school. So the dwarf wanted real leather shoes to eat, so i gave him mine just so i could see if i could win some money which i bet because i didn't believe this 3 foot little man could eat both of my shoes. Well to sum it up, he did. So thats why i don't have my shoes.
Teacher: Erm... Oh. Did he also plant this little story into your head?
Student: No sir. If you dont believe me look at this..
{Pulls out a WANTED poster with a 3 foot dwarf on the front with 'Warning, this dwarf eats leather shoes. DON'T bet on it as he is most likely to win.'}

Teacher: {Reading poster} Oh. So it isn't just another excuse?

Student: How dare you sir! Thinking i would make such a story up!

Teacher: {Baffled} I think i will have to talk to your mother then about these missing shoes.

Student: Please don't sir!

Teacher: Why not?

Student: There at home sir but i thought if i made it all up and printed out a fake poster you wouldn't give me a detention as you would realise how creative and inventive i actually am.

Teacher: It didn't work.

Teacher: Where is your homework!


Me: In my dads stomach,

techer: why did your dad want you home work.

me: Well, i ahd wrote a descriptive essay on certain desert foods and he decided to eat it. he said to tell you it was so descriptive that he could taste small, and see them on the paper.

teacher: is this true

me : hands over her cellphone which is dialing her dad
5 min later


teacher: ok your excused !

More homeschool excuses!

Dad: Why aren't you doing your math?

Me: I'm on YWS learning how to be a better writer. I think that's a slightly better use of time, considering that I'm going to be a writer and not a mathematitian, don't you?

Dad: Yes, but math is used everywhere, and you're going to have to do well on the math portion of the SAT in order to get a good scholarship for college. ...And why is the page you're looking at titled "Excuses?"

Me: Um...

Dad: I expect that math to be finished today, you know.

Me: *internally rolls eyes* Right-o. *turns back to computer*

Dad: And I'm going to need the computer soon.

Me: Darn.

That's my excuse... better do my math, now...

Professor: Sarah, I gave you a whole week do to this homework! I can't understand how you didn't get it done!

Sarah, smiling: Aw, come on, you know you love me.

Prof: What does that have to do with anything?

Sarah: Love is kind, love is generous, love is forgiving, love conquers all, love believes all things, hopes in all things, shares all things...love never fails.

Prof: Hem...ah...um...

Sarah: Ask yourself one question, Professor...what would Jesus do?

Prof: Class, the due date on that homework has been bumped forward to tomorrow! *glares at Sarah* and see that it gets DONE!

*Sarah scampers off gleefully to complete homework*

(this one only works if you have a good relationship with your professor.)

Religious education teacher: Where is your prep?

Student: Well, you see, I thought that writing an essay on poor and rich wasn't daoing anything to help the poor so I decided that a fundraiser was a better thing to do.

Teacher: Well, how much did you raise then?

Student: 57p, a roll of sellotape and some string.

Professor: where's your homework?
Student: i'm soo sorry sir but my grandma died last night.
Professor: how many grandmas do you have?
Student: twenty.

Teacher: Why are you on the Internet when you are supposed to be writing your English Coursework?

Me: Well, you see sir, I'm on YWS which is a Young Writers Society so therefor i decided to go on it to see if anything would inspire me to write a better essay on Romeo and Juliet.

Teacher: So people publish work on Shakespeare on there?

Me: Not exactly. More like I ask a bunch of people who are Shakespeare-aholics to write it for me.

Teacher: How would them writing it benefit you?

Me: You see sir, if I ask them to write it for me, I would have more time writing stories and being creative than doing coursework which wouldn't contribute to my life as a writer which benefits me more in the long run.

Teacher: But you would get a poor mark in your GCSEs so you wouldn't make it as a writer anyway.

Me: You don't think I thought this through? That's why I asked Shakespeare-aholics to write it for me so I get A**** in English so I would have a better chance making it as a writer.

Teacher: (Getting REALLY confused) So your on YWS thing to help you get better marks yet you aren't writing the essay yourself even though you need good grades for your future yet telling someone else to do your essays would decrease your marks so this is suppose to help you how?

Me: And your supposed to be the teacher? Yet you can't read the heading 'Excuses' and can't you see I have been writing this all down? Wow sir, you really aren't the sharpest pencil in the tub if you can't see that I am messing around on the Internet and defiantly not doing the assignment.

Teacher: Oh.....

I always used the old classic 'I left it in the house.'
If I wanted to be insane though, I might say:

TEACHER: Where's the homework?

ME: Your face!

*runs from room screaming hysterically*

Which isn't actually an exscuse, more of an insight into my derranged mind.

teacher: where is your paper?

me: i threw it away in the bathroom, you woulndt want it anyway

teacher: wat do u mean?

me: well when i got to school i had to go to the bathroom, i had a quadruple chili cheese bean burrito and chili for breakfast, you see. After i had gone i discovered there was no toilet paper, so i used the only paper i could find

(teacher gags and runs out of the class)

"Well, I didn't do my homework because the nerd I hired has a vacation day."
"You have someone else do your homework?!"
"How else am I supposed to get it done?"

Teacher: Why didn't you do your homework?

Me: *holds up hand wrapped in fixing bandades*

Teacher: Ah Ok * moves onto next person*

Next Person: holds up fixing bandage

Teacher: DETENTION

Note: this excuse actually worked for me but only try it if your teacher is stupid.

Teacher: Where's your homework?

Student: My pig ate it

Teacher: If i wasn't mistaken you told me your dog ate it last week

Student: Yes!And that's exactly why we got a pig. But I do have my homework

Teacher: Where?

Student:Here (presses plate stacked with pieces of bacon to teacher's nose)