I really enjoyed this. The atmosphere reminded me of a modern Vile Bodies and I loved the idea of a club scene as morning is coming. It had a good feel to it.
The only thing I didn't like is the second female character. She is nameless, and continues on as "she" and then our MC is Abby, yes? It just got a bit confusing, and I didn't like that "She" didn't have a name but everyone else did...or I missed something?
I loved the ending. It was depressing..but real. The whole thing felt so deep and true to life and painful. I enjoyed reading this a whole lot =] (I just stole your emoticon!)
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
I love the haze of it, the numb of it, you know. There's a kind of hoarse desperation to Jeremy and Richard, like a small and profoundly impotent dog trying to hump an empty garbage bin but just pushing it further away. Such an amazingly perceptive portrayal of homophobia in all its runt squat snivveling terror, and then as a concession as a denial and Abby and [nameless]. It made me think of the play "Spinning into Butter", well, the play was about racism, but the idea of both extreme and everyday discrimination, and that it can be even idealising someone, or dismissing them, like saying the gay couple were happy in love, or that they didn't love at all, we see other people allegorically sometimes. (like in Spinning into Butter about the homeless guy on the train with the psalm card).
I do like your culture of excess, it is masterful.
However, I'm with Clau on the nameless character, I was a little bewildered at first, but I can understand the purpose of a nameless character, so why not.
I'm POSITIVE you're doing the hair and eye colour thing to s*** me. And for that, **thwackfest**
Conceptually it's very strong, very strong indeed, especially with yoru musings on love as facade. Orientation is a little blurry but hey, wouldn't a narrator on crack be anyway.
Fine family fun to be had by all.
Writersdomain's edit: Don't swear outside of literary works. Thanks. ^_^
