The Beach

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It's warm and sunny. The sand is hot and we sprint to get to the nearest log then we run into the water. The water is nice and cool; the waves beckon us to come further into the sea. A wave lifts us calmly off our feet, we laugh then the wave places us back down again. Another wave comes but this time it's angery; it comes roaring and fast at us. We scream and yell; it pulls us under and takes us with it. The wave slows down and finally lets us go. “That was a good one” we yell and run back with water splashing behind us, the water glistening in the sun. Time goes by, there are more people at the beach now and they come and go.There is a boy with his dog and a girl building a sand castle in the sand. There is man surfing in the sea and people walking on the beach- some with their families and some with their dogs. There is a dog chasing after seagulls and a family having a picnic on the beach. It's busy at the beach on a warm summers day.


But later on its different us we walk down the beach; the sun is behind the mountains and the sky is filled with wonderful and magnificent colours. It's getting dark and cold the water slowly becomes a dark shadow moving quietly in the night with acassional waves lapping at the beach. The sky slowly fills with stars starting with one then two then they are everywhere. The moon shines brightly and smiles down at us and the sea. The only people on the beach now are us and a family cooking marshmallows on a fire, but even they disappear as it gets darker. A Kiwi runs across the road to avoid a passing car, the sound of thunder in the distance but its only a train; a rustling sound as a bird settles itself down for the night, then silence.
Last edited by No Idea on Mon May 21, 2007 7:49 am, edited 1 time in total.




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the waves Beaken us to come

Is there any reason why is it capitalised?

therder

IS this supposed to be further?

angery

Angry

glicining

Glistening

Bilding

Again why is it capitalised? And Its Building

seagals

I think it is seaguls, but I'm not quite sure.

latter

Later

us

Should this be us?

Behind

Capital in the middle of the sentence again?

I'm sorry, but reading this is was just distracted by the terrible spelling, after a while I begun to think that maybe you were doing it on purpose?

the story its self is bland, there is nothing really there, and I'm afraid that I really didn't like it.

Sorry,
Meevs
x









[/quote]
Bag.

Got YWS?




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Yeah....it's bland, it's not all that exciting and the spelling...ugh.

Beaken us to come


beckon, not sure why it's capitalised either.

seagals


seaguls, you were right Merv.

He covered most of the spelling errors, and I just picked up a couple others. Good effort though, I guess.

Tata mwa!

SS
Come, take My hand and walk with Me, walk with Me in the Shadows.

Tis better to have the world think you a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.




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It needs a little work, but I have to echo. It didn't do much for me. But, with a little work, it will be good. Don't give up.

-- M.B.Author
Listen to advice and except discipline so that you
may be wise for the rest of your life
-- Proverbs 19:20



sometimes i don't consider myself a poet but then i remember that i literally write poetry
— chikara