Firya Prologue

removed.

this is very well done i like it alot i cannot wait to see what happens next, i would only have to say create a little more anger in the way she is treated like through the maids lets say cleaning and getting out of her way not talking or comforting her, or various other ways her father infuriates her. the beginning and the ending both have hooks which is good if you need anything on helping with the opening or plot flow i have written helpful essays now being used by all the english tutor and teachers as well as creative writing teacher and other topics you need help with as well, just ask and i will give or if i do not have such an essay i will write it then give it to you i beleive this will turn out to be good and want to help it along in anyway i can so that way i can read it soon. yay! (wow one sentance thats long!) hope your going to continue maybe you could help me with my prolaugue sometime. its pretty bad nothing like my other stuff i have to admit....sigh i hate writng prolaugues. whoops hehe talking too much. Good luck and pm for anything.

just realized we got currently 714 points each at the moment i finished that last post!

Hey Twinflower,
I really like this! You are a great writer, and this section really sparks interest to readers, such as myself!

Keep on writing!

I really liked this, too, and agree about giving her more anger, and a bit more dialogue. Other than that, I'm interested in reading more. ^_^

Firya stood abruptly and [s]paced[/s] to the framed mirror hanging on one wall of her bedroom.

I actually think using the traditional "walked" as opposed to "paced" would work better here. Pacing implies walking back and forth in an anxious matter, so unless she was doing just that, and happened to end up at the mirror, I think walked or some synonym of that would be better fitting to what you mean.

I have no complaints about this, actually, I have quite the opposite =D I really liked this, especially for fantasy, which has not been my main genre for a while. Like Sean said, it had really good hooks in both the beginning and the end. I look forward to seeing what becomes of this, because this short section isn't really enough to properly judge a story =D

Keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing what comes next!!!

PM me when you post the next section and I'll read it for you! Also, if you have any questions or want me to read something else you've written, feel free to tell me, and I'll see what I can do!

Great work!

-JC