Waiting...

Waiting for my favorite song,
Waiting to sing along,
Waiting to make up my own words,

Waiting to the bell to ring,
Waiting for things to change,
Waiting to make my own rules,

Waiting for the year to end,
Waiting for time to bend,
Waiting for a new best friend,

Waiting to see how things turn out,
Waiting for the works to play out,
Waiting for everything to work out the best,

Waiting and hoping,
Hoping and waiting,
Giving up,

My song will never play,
The day will never end,
And I will never get a new best friend,

Never ending day,
Never ending year,
My worst fears,

Waiting still,
Waiting alone,
Waiting is all I get to do

I liked the ryhthm this poem carried out.

Near the end the rythm dies. The poem is talking about waiting on certain things in life and giving up so easily. This poem is hard to follow.

-Rick

Okay, I have a few things:

1. Too much repetition. If you want to use waiting as the repetition, put it at the first word or the last word in each stanza. Having it at the beginning of each line makes it durogatory and boring and leaves the reader wondering when it's going to end so they can move on.

2. Your use of hoping towards the end was random, although in that stanza you make it into a major part of the poem--even though it hasn't been mentioned through the entire first three quarters. This deteriorates from the meaning of the poem, and in a way goes right along with the repetition. Less repetition=more information.

3. If you thought the poem sucked, you wouldn't post it. What that says to us is that you want us to pity you and give you high praise. Please don't comment on your poems in this way; it's probably best to not comment at all until you see what others have to say--otherwise, especially with the newer members, your critiques tend to be biased.

Happy Editing,
WM

Hey I liked your poem a lot! It was very simple and that's what I liked about it.

Like this poem. Its really good! It tells us the truth behind waiting and that all people do is wait. (If that makes sense)


Well done!

Love TxP

I have to agree with Write Me, it is a little too repetative for my liking. Repetition in poems can work realy well, But I hate to say that I think it is just slightly over done. I almost got fed up reading it, and it didn't say anything to me,I know that sounds a little harsh, but thats just what I think (I'm a nice person really!)

Meevs
xx