Horror

It is one minute before twelve and everything is in a deep, disturbed silence. Thirty seconds have passed from when it first struck a minute before twelve. Beads of sweat are collecting on my face as I sit in my room, on my bed.

All of a sudden I look out of my window and something flashes by my window I get off the bed and hide behind the side. I poke my head up for a small moment to see a man with black cloth covering his mouth and a gun pointed at me.

I try to run out of the room but before I can I hear a gun shot and the next thing I know, I am on the floor. I can feel the horrible pain in my lower back trying to pull me into the hole of death.

As I am fading away I try to think that I would wish to say, “ If this awful treachery ever happens again, remember to never show fear. I showed fear myself and as you now know, I have died.”

The End

Is there any reason why you couldn't have posted the whole story as one topic?
If you can call it a story that is. There's little to no substance to it

Um... What happened? Why was the girl shot? Who shot her? We need reasons as to why this happened rather than it just happening. There really was no plot, no air of mystery, no sense of horror at all. It really was a waste of the minute it took to read it.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but there really was nothing to that story. You may as well have just written, "I saw a guy just past midnight. He shot me. I died."

If you can expand it (give us some background information, maybe a plotline to follow), I'm sure this can be something amazing.



EDIT to say that I didn't realize there was a part one to it. Is there a reason you didn't post all of this at once? Both parts were WAY to short to be on their own. Develop your characters more, and flesh the story out a little bit. Add some suspense.