Ice Cubes #24

Taken down due to publishing

I enjoyed this, it's well written and i felt empathy for your main character. I only have 2, and they are only minor stylistic things.

Well, i'm assuming your character is living in England and is English, (i haven't familiarised myself with the rest of this novel) so writing 'mom' is rather out of place. Even if it's only to avoid conflict with an American audience, it shouldn't be a problem to write 'mum'. I'm just being a bit of a pedantic so-and-so

“Well, we are having a baby! Isn’t that amazing! You always said you wanted a little brother or sister!”

'we are' sounds rather unnatural, i would have written we're.

Wow that would make a great story starter! you should totally start a story with that! I loved the points you made with the story and ya it was really good.

Heyo! Thanks for the crits

Den- I have always spelt Mom like that I dunno, I know most people in England spell it with a U but well, I thought that I Would keep it as that.

Oregon - A story starter? Hmm that's intetresting actually, I might try doing something like that :0

Thanks again!

Meevs
x

Hello Meevs!!

This was really good, I liked the description of Nick; however some of the stuff Jaimiy has started saying seems a little out of place....
Has he developed an attitude??? Other than that I love Ice Cubes!!!!

Alainna
xxxxx

Yeah Jaimy is being snappy and rude simply because he just feels unwanted by Rob and he's just angry at the whole situation.

Meevs
x

I don't blame him for being upset!

“Well, we are having a baby! Isn’t that amazing! You always said you wanted a little brother or sister!” She nodded at me furiously, like she was telling me that I wanted a brother or sister.

GRRRR....I saw this one coming....


hehe, I do like Nick a bit more now that I've read about him though. haha, it would be funny if he turned into Chris...I would laugh a little =D

Once again, great stuff! Can't wait to read the rest!

-JC

Hey JC, thanks again Nick is not going to turn into chris lol, I just won't let myself write that!

Oh and Rob and Chris are still very much part of this, they have just gone for a little while, I felt that I needed a change in the story, so this is it

Meevs
xxx

I laughed pretty hard at the end of this. You can probably guess where. That was a good one. xD

I stood so quick my head felt dizzy from the sudden change of motions.

*emotions, maybe?

I feel sorry for Jamiy. That baby tihng, I could see that coming! And by the way, never ever turn Nick into the new Chris. One, he's even older, and two, he'd probably have a heart attack lol.

Anyways, right onto the next part now.