Young Writers Society

your eyes smile at me
through a pixelated webcam.

and that's all i know
of your soft slim figure.

it's amusing how
a few lines
in bold pink font
from a silent machine
can produce such magnetism.
a few laughs out loud
are the basis of our
frail relationship.

acid trippin
head spinnin
rockers
are your kind of meat
an ostentatious
boyfriend
is just a fling
away thing.

i'm not a missing piece

rather, the annoying
flimsy jigsaw part
that never quite fits in.

----

I'm stuck on the internet theme.

Jack this is really good! I love the instant messenger vibe and you can really understand the person's feelings.

a few laughs out loud
are the basis of our
frail relationship.

This is really great because most people on msn just write "kk" and "lol".

i'm not a missing piece

rather, the annoying
flimsy jigsaw part
that never quite fits in.

I loved this part; I thought it really put across his feelings in an interesting way.

through a pixelated webcam.

I loved the use of the word "pixelated"

are your kind of meat

I did't like the use of the word "meat" but I can understand why you used it.

This was an awesome piece but, honestly, I thought it could do to be longer. It does come to a rather dramatic end and all, and I may just like it ten times better when I read it a second time, but I think more could probably be said. I haven't been in an online relationship for quite a while, but it's wonderful how you caught the feeling of it all. Great job.

I thought that this was really, really good. Your descriptions (e.g., pixelated) and word choice (e.g., ostentatious) are well done and add significantly to the overall feel of the poem. The ending part is a good analogy that is quite easy to relate to, and the poem as a whole gives the vibe of a rock song.

Overall, well done. I got no criticism.

I don't have any criticism either...I really liked this.

your eyes smile at me
through a pixelated webcam.

and that's all i know
of your soft slim figure.

That was a great line.

I know the feeling of that. I really liked it, pretty much Harley said all I was going to say. tee hee and I didn't understand why you said meat either. Maybe I'm just tired..... :IS ASLEEP:

It was good. I don't have anything else to say, other people have pointed everything out.

Yeah I really liked it too. Although I agree with Harley about the use of the word "meat". Huh? Is there a better word?

It's been a long time since I've come here and your peom caught my heart straight away this makes me muchly happy restores my faith in poetry!

your eyes smile at me
through a pixelated webcam.

I loved the start to this I straight away knew exactly what you meant

and that's all i know
of your soft slim figure.

Wonderful imagry love it

it's amusing how
a few lines
in bold pink font
from a silent machine
can produce such magnetism.
a few laughs out loud
are the basis of our
frail relationship.

It's so true the way you potray the cyber world - a feew words upon our screen can affect us so much!

acid trippin
head spinnin
rockers
are your kind of meat
an ostentatious
boyfriend
is just a fling
away thing.

As every one else has picked out and said the word 'meat' seems strange

i'm not a missing piece

rather, the annoying
flimsy jigsaw part
that never quite fits in.

Love the ending it is wonderful I don't know I can ust click with with this poem *ah I'm rambaling!*

It could maybe do with being a tad longer I don't know that could ruin it.
wu x

This poem applies to me, and it is kinda like that, except for the webcam part, she doesn't have one. Neither do i.