Those Who Fight

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Gender Male
Points 1175
Reviews 185
Those who fight,
they try
and never give in.
always pushing,
and forgiving,
to those they know.

Those who fight,
they are my friends.
To take my pain,
my fault
and problems
with open arms.

Those who fight
I thank you.
You stood by me
even in the dark.
Together we fight,
fight as one.

Those who fight
we stand together,
one by one we stand.
For those we know
and those we love,
holding true to what we believe.

Those who fight
against all pain.
Our troubles we fix,
suffering we endure.
Now we show our strength,
that of our hearts.

Those who fight
we are never alone.
The bond of friendship,
trust and faith,
we find the will to forgive
the others sins.

With this I apologize to all my friends and the pain I put them through. They stood by me, and I left them to rot. Now I know of my wrongs, so please forgive me.
I will always fight back, no matter what.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1090
Reviews 5
The title is spelled wrong.

Anyways,

and forgiving,
to those they know.

doesn't make sense... forgiving those they know? Is that what you mean? You need some extra clarity there. The reader is going to see this as, you reserve forgiveness for your friends. How does that include the reader? You don't know the reader. The moment you exclude the reader from something in your poem, that's the moment your poem becomes uninteresting.

Also, you don't need commas at the end of any lines, if there's a new line, a break is implied.

The repetition of "those who fight" is at best, ineffective.

This poem is really rough around the edges. Needs a lot of improvement.
I wish I was the evidence.

I wish I was the grounds



Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon