I kinda dig this. The phrasing of it all seems really unique, to me.
I don't like the capitalisation of every word, it seems to put too much emphasis on them all. Some of the phrasing makes it sound s bit emo, but it's brought back by the absence of the disctinclty whiny emo tone.
I see syntax errors here...Risen should be Rise, Shutter should be Shudder, and Decent should be Descend.
Unless, of course, you meant it that way and the meaning was lost on me.
Fun stuff man--review, critique, and post more of your stuff. Preferalby in that order
--Hunter
Got YWS? I do.
Lumi: Don't you drag my donobby into this. Lumi: He's the sweetest angel this side of hades.
Wow... I never read your poetry before RashBear... ... XD... goddamn me...
but... Yeah, I like this. Just the letters all of them being capital kind of made it confusing as to which words you might have been trying to emphasize... ... Yeah *huggles* YAY!!!
I like this, but I don't know why you capitalise the first letter of every word, it makes it difficult to read.
It also seemed sort of disjointed. Many of your lines are brilliant, but you seem to skip from idea to idea very quickly without giving us much time to consolidate.
You have some really unique imagery in here though. Good stuff.
