Bloodlust Chapter 1: Part One

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Chapter 1: Part 1

Mrs. Lowndes preached on about the Great Depression and the effects it had on the rest of the world. Taya had a hard time paying attention. Her mind kept wandering to the empty desk next to her.

Jake was absent and wouldn’t answer his phone when she called from the office.

“You should go by and see him after school.” Kiri, Taya’s best friend, told her as they walked to their lockers after class. Kiri was your average brunette: perky, optimistic, and fairly smart. She had dark green eyes and a light tan.

“That’s what I had planned to do.” Taya said, opening her locker and slid her History book into its slot between Biology and Geometry. She closed the locker and disappeared to Break with Kiri.

Taya spent the rest of the day thinking of reasons why Jake missed school. Everything kept turning back to him not answering his phone. Even his parents weren’t answering. She called their house and cell phones, but no one answered.

In order to calm herself down, she decided that they went somewhere and had their phones off. It was a horrible excuse, but it was the best she had.



After school, Taya stopped at Jake’s house to find all three cars in the driveway. Jake’s Firebird, his mom’s Civic, and his dad’s F150. They were all cool when Taya touched them so they had obviously been home for a while.
She climbed the steps of the old Victorian home and stood on the porch just outside the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited. Nothing. Nobody was coming down the stairs, or moving for that matter. She knocked loudly. Still nothing. She turned the doorknob and found the door unlocked.

“Hello?” She called. “Mrs. Mary? Mr. John?”

Silence.

She stepped inside, leaving the door open. She walked cautiously into the entrance hall. The stairs climbed up the right wall to a balcony leading to a pair of double doors. All the lights were off no one was here. She climbed the stairs and opened one of the double doors. She followed this short hallway and peeked into every room. The house was empty of life, except her own.

Taya hurried across the yard and pulled out her cell phone, dialing Jake’s number. It was still off. She tried his parents, same thing. She finally called Kiri as she climbed into her Eclipse. When Kiri picked up Taya explained that neither Jake nor his parents were home and they had their cells off. Kiri told her to meet her at Joe’s Coffee Shop in town and that they’d look for Jake together.

“Where would he most likely be?” Kiri asked as the girls crossed the four-lane outside the coffee shop.

“Most likely Baker’s Book Store. We spend every afternoon there.” Taya said, looking up and down the street.

They followed the sidewalk for five blocks before turning down another street and following it for three more blocks. They came to a cozy book store filled with the scent of old books and mild incense. A small old man stood behind the counter at the center of the shop. It was empty except for two or three people reading in a few of the large cushioned chairs that sat in each of the corners of the building.

“Hello, Taya. Where’s Jake?” The old man said brightly. Taya approached the counter, smiling.

“Hey, Mr. Baker, we’ve been looking for Jake all day. Have you seen him?”

Mr. Baker shook his head. “Haven’t seen him since Monday, when you two bought those Mary Collins books.”

“That was the day before yesterday, he wasn’t here yesterday?”

“Neither were you,” Mr. Baker pointed out, “but you go to Matt Coulee’s house on Monday’s to practice with that band, The….” He paused thinking.

“The Less Than Real.” Kiri finished for him.

“That’s it.” Mr. Baker said, snapping his finger and pointing to Kiri.

“So you haven’t seen him?” Taya asked.

“Sorry.” Mr. Baker shook his head.

“Thanks anyways, Mr. Baker.” Taya said, turning to leave.

“Anytime, and I hope you find him soon.”

Taya and Kiri went everywhere Taya could think Jake might have gone.

After three hours of searching, they returned to the coffee shop and
ordered a pair of white-chocolate mochas.

Kiri had bought a newspaper and was reading it idly while Taya stared out the shop window, sipping her drink. It felt as though Jake had disappeared off the face of the earth.

“Where could he be?” Taya said, turning back to the table.

“I don’t know, but Old Widow Hawkins was killed last night.” Kiri folded the newspaper and passed it to Taya, pointing to an article. The headline read: “Widow Killed by Unknown Animal.”

“Animal?” Taya pulled the article from Kiri’s hand and began reading.

“Marilyn Carson, age 73, was found dead in her home near Lake Charleston. Local officials say that she was bitten in the neck by an animal, yet to be identified. Officials are confused by the fact that the creature did nothing more than kill and it was reported by the officials that most of her blood was ‘missing.’ Animal authorities are attempting to track down the animal that killed Mrs. Carson. If you have any details or comments please call 555-6983.”

“What kind of animal would kill a woman and not eat her?” Kiri asked, taking a long drink of her mocha.

“I don’t know. What do you think they meant when they said her blood was ‘missing’?”

“Vampires?” Kiri suggested.

“You’ve been reading one too many of those vampire books, Kiri. You’re beginning to think they’re real.” Taya laughed.

The left the coffee shop around 7:30. With quick goodbyes, Kiri got into her Malibu and drove off.
Llama 1:"Shh! Do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness."
Llama 2:"That's the sound of people drowning, Carl!"
Llama 1:"That is what forgiveness sounds like; screaming and then silence."




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Terribly sorry... I said something here about your rather uninteresting introduction. I didn't know there was a prologue. I'll go back and read that first.

But from what I did read, Jake seems too perfect. Nice cars, Victorian house, rich boy... not very interesting. Also, don't dump physical character description in one place. Sprinkle it about. The character's physical appearance isn't that important, since what's in your mind usually isn't what the reader comes up with in their own mind.

Also, wait a few days or even weeks between posting your work. Let it sink in a bit rather than posting four parts of the same thing in a space of 20 minutes.

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