Philosophy of the Dark- Authors note: Sorry about the time it's taken to post this chapter, it's been a hectic week. Enjoy!
Chapter 21
-Apologies
-On both accounts
It's hard to visit somebody you've harmed. Police escorts riding along making sure you don't “finish the job,” being treated as if you had no control.
The hardest thing is looking down at them, seeing what you've done and feeling nothing. Neither pity or remorse, anger or relief. Numb.
Even just sitting there, in an uncomfortable plastic chair, is hard. Because you don't want to be there. You don't want to face what you've done.
***
Jamie stepped into the florescent room, there was a regular beeping from several machines throughout. Two police officers entered the room behind her, followed by Tammy.
Jamie walked up to the bed where her father was lying, his head was
dressed in a thick white bandage, tubes weaved around the bed. Jamie
looked down at his face, his eyes were closed, his breathing shallow and
irregular still. Tammy sat down in one of the chairs by the door, a stylish
black suitcase in her lap.
After a few moments the doctor came in, Tammy stood and shook his hand.
“Good morning Doctor,” she said.
“Hello Tammy,” he looked at Jamie, standing silently and looking down at
Richard. “Jamie.”
She looked up, now disturbed from her trance, “Yeah?”
“I was just saying 'Good morning,'” he said.
“Oh,” Jamie said, looking back down, “good morning.”
Tammy and the doctor spoke quietly for a minute, while Jamie stared
blankly.
“Jamie,” Tammy said, “come here.”
Jamie walked silently, still numb.
“Yeah?” she said when she got there.
“Dr. Anderson and I have been talking about your dads condition,” Tammy
began, “and he doesn't seem to be improving.”
Jamie stared into Tammy's clear blue eyes, every one of her emotions
pushed deep down to the point where even she wouldn't be able to retrieve
them.
“They don't know how much longer they'll keep him on life support if he
doesn't improve.”
Jamie nodded, “and if he dies?”
“We still wont know until court, but don't worry I'm working on your case,”
Tammy said.
Jamie nodded, “I know.”
“If you're open tomorrow I would like to talk to you more about your case.”
“Yeah, that should be fine,” Jamie said, taking another glance at Richard.
“Good, I'll be at your house at about two, is that fine?”
Jamie nodded.
“I'll see you then,” Tammy said softly.
“Yeah,” Jamie said, not taking her eyes away from Richards lifeless form.
A hand rested on her shoulder, “bye.”
“Bye.”
***
For the first time in almost a week feelings are returning. I can
now look at him, alive by threads, and feel something.
Though it's not anger or hate, love, regret. It's nothing I
expected.
It's guilt.
I'm sorry things ended up the way they have. I'm sorry I wasn't
enough for his love, sorry that I was the result of his hate. I'm sorry I lost
control. It was all my fault.
And I'm sorry.
***
Jamie felt a tear fall down her cheek for the first time in what seemed
like forever. It was followed by more tears, hot and salty, falling onto the
pages of her heart, blurring the words.
The door opened, Jamie didn't care to wipe the tears away off of her face.
“Jamie,” the doctor said, “visiting hours are over.”
“Thank you,” Jamie said, standing up.
The police followed her out the room, as always. Outside her moms car was
parked, Jamie stepped in.
They drove off without a word.
POD 22- Consiquential solitude: NOW POSTED!!!!!!! 
