Philosophy of the Dark- Chapter 19, Author's note: Okay, this is a small section, but also very meaningful. (Do not read this if you haven't read the previous chapter!!!!!!)
Chapter 19
The heart that beats alone
Life passes in blurs now, one moment bleeding into the next with no time to stop and fix things, only able to move on making mistake after mistake. Much like this one.
Accidents happen, yes, but I'm unsure as to whether wanted accidents can still be classified that way. So many nights, trapped, so many days hated, so many parts of me dead. Imagining harming someone is different than the act itself.
You would think it was a relief, watching him take that plunge to the cold, unrelenting wood, when instead it was a nightmare. My thoughts jumping between horror at what I had done, how he would never love me, and relief that it was over. I was horrified that I mostly felt relieved.
Never had I been the person who could harm another, after living in that world I could never be the antagonizer without remember being on the other side.
The yellow tape they brought in, creating a barrier between what I had done, and where I was. No time for apologies if he were to be saved.
Taken away, from even the yellow tape. Now classified under the term 'murderer' life will never be the same. Even as I sit here, in this temporary cell, waiting for my salvation to come in the form of an unforgiving lawyer- who will surly feel that I am to blame- how sad is it to await your downfall.
How sad it is indeed, especially when you deserve it.
Keeping these pages was my priority, as it is always, I was so astonished that I was able to keep them.
My goal, was for you reader, hoping that it would be you taking refuge in my accounts, I never dreamed that it would in fact be me looking to these pages for salvation. They're all I have left now, the world has turned it's back on me now. I will forever be the murdering pariah.
Well, maybe murdering is the wrong word, I don't know yet, and as always not knowing is the worst thing.
I hope that you don't judge me reader, I hope you understand, maybe even agree that what I did was for a purpose stronger than mere desire or revenge. You who know me best should know above all that I did what I had to do to survive.
If only it hadn't ended up killing me.
Look out for POD 20- [s]A single long tone[/s] The weirdest things. NOW POSTED 
it's so sad 
