that Ivy

This was a creative writing task, we had to do a really short peice in ten minutes to do with ivy...a strange task i know, but hey this is what i came up with I might re-work it and make it better as it was only a ten minute task, what do you think??

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I remember that ivy, from back in the day when it was just a bit of fun. Well, that’s what we said anyway. I never imagined it turning out to be like this, this…this relationship has been from fun, to being ripped up into a million pieces right in front of my eyes. And I can’t stop it.

I guess it took that ‘from fun’ step when I told my parents. He said it would be ok, go live with him, and be happy. I was happy. But now the cracks have started to show. To the extreme’s. Just like this damn ivy has put cracks in my wall. This now withered plant is him. This is him. He did this to me. And as I tore down the sharp green leaves he tore away every bit of respect and love I had for him. Love isn’t easy when you’re like us, the minority, the ones who get picked on. But I thought that was what glued us together so tightly, that I never wanted to wander from his side. As the leaves have cut across my naked palms, across my face, deep into the skin…it could just have easily have been him that done this. Each bit I pull off, the more of him comes away. Each cut, each bite, each hit is just him. It’s all him. And now look at me. Ivy tangled around my bare feet, cutting across my ankles, holding me here, with him. You…you always used to say my skin was beautiful, never before was it embedded with dirt, blood…stains. You used to caress my hands so attentively, not now my nails are torn, my skin blistered. You used to cup my face in your hands, plant a kiss tenderly on my lips. Now you are the one that has put these marks onto me. Because it was you that planted that stupid ivy in the first place.

Very deep and thoughtful. Not too sure I like the subject matter - there's so much of it, here on YWS, and out there in the real world, if I'm reading this right. But it was very well written, and the idea of combinging it all with the ivy was a good one.

-ST

Yeah, I must admit this was such a strange topic to be given, we had to make the ivy resemble something, our teacher suggested abuse so In my lack of creativity I just did the suggested resemblement thing lol, I might adapt this more...make it like longer, I dunno :S but thanks for the review anyway

Meevs
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This was very good.

I didn't quite get the whole 'from fun' thing but I enjoyed the rest of it.
This was great:

And as I tore down the sharp green leaves he tore away every bit of respect and love I had for him.

Very deep!!

I think you could probably turn this into a story....it would work great as a longer piece; although it's fine as it is!!

Alainna
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Hey incase you didn't see I made this into a thing for my Ice Cubes story, although i still might keep this as a separte thing, I'm just not sure if I can make anything out of it :\

Meevs
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Wow, that was great, very eloquent

I personally find it very difficult to use profanity in my writing (although i still do it ), I found that you used profanity very well. It was not overdone, and seemed to contribute to the flow of the piece.

I also don't really understand the "from fun" line. That might need to be clarified or reworded.

Also, halfway through the second paragraph, you switch from speaking about the abuser to speaking to the abuser.

Ivy tangled around my bare feet, cutting across my ankles, holding me here, with him. You... you always used to say my skin was beautiful...

I found that a little confusing at first. I think that either adding a sentence that identifies the switch or creating a new paragraph would ease the transition.

Other than that it was awesome. If you decide to expand it, PM me because I'd like to read it.

Jessica

Hey, Meevs!

This is cool- writing prompts inspire great ideas, huh?

This was very short, so I've only got two things to ramble about:

SENTENCE VARIETY: I ramble on a lot about this in response to "Agri and the Engineer" in the sci fi section, but here's a synopsis- it's a lot more interesting to read stories with different sentence lengths and complexities. When you're writing, and you get into a lull, stop and could clauses. Have you used the same number in every sentence? If so, shake it up a bit to make it more exciting for the reader.

SHOW, DON'T TELL: I think what would have made this piece even more powerful for me would have been a short anecdote about what the person did to make them like ivy. It's a cool metaphor, and with a little planning, you could probably come up with something cool.

At the moment, it seems like your main character is talking to us on the phone- ranting, actually. There's not a whole lot of story. This piece doesn't have to follow traditional story rules, per se, but you're a good writer, Meevs- putting in a little 'show and not tell' would really show it off.

Good piece! PM me if you've got any questions or want me to look at something else.