Time Will Show

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Darling, don't you know that time will show
where we stand together now? Sadly it will be so.

I so desperately want you to know this,
and won't you even notice when I'm gone?

Sitting here, strummin' my guitar,
knowing, knowing you aren't very far.

Sitting here, drinkin' blackberry wine,
knowing, knowing it'll help pass the time.

You appear walking up the secret path, as in a dream,
but you walk slow, it's taking forever, or so it seems.

This can't be forever because forever has no ending,
and this isn't the message this situation is sending.

Stopping before me, we meet eyes, but do not embrace,
you speak with cruel words that distort your angelic face.

Within a moment, you turn and go back the way you came,
you've left me by the old oak tree with only myself to blame.

Oh baby, where were your eyes, couldn't you see,
that maybe, maybe you meant the world to me?

THE END
The surrounding world
was an ugly one,
but we needed no beauty
other than the light
within each other's eyes. - "Modern World" * topic15452




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Wow. This was great, the rhyming worked, the reader can relate, it was technically well balanced.......

It got better as it went along, the beginning wasn't quite as strong as the rest....

I loved this:
Within a moment, you turn and go back the way you came,
you've left me by the old oak tree with only myself to blame.


Great work,
Alainna
xxxxx
Sanity is for the unimaginative.

Got YWS?




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I really liked these lines:

Stopping before me, we meet eyes, but do not embrace,
you speak with cruel words that distort your angelic face.


I thought that this was really good. I really like the title too! Keep it up!




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Very nice ^.^ Sorry, no criticism today.




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Awwwww Fabien, *cries* This was really nice. Yeah..I have no criticizim either. But Loved it!

*Lindsay*
"After it happened I thought that I'd just try to live as normally as possible and bury it, but things like that don't stay buried. I didn't think it would, but it taints your whole life."

"My desires were bestial, obviously." -Jeffery Dahmer.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 25
Amazing job. Very well written. Keep it up.



The best speculative fiction peels your mind and shows you the familiar from a direction you have not looked in before
— Neil Gaiman