Eccentric

I'm pretty sure there is a typo in the last line,but don't worry, tpyos rule my life. A very sad poem. Nest time, try showing rather than telling. compair (sp? oh, who cares about spelling on spring break when you are hyper? hint: not me) your feelings to nature....to a storm, maybe.

A good start, it just needs a bit of fine tuning. But I agree with what a friend once told me, the first draft is the most honest....so keep a copy of both (if you do a second draft).


Have a good weekend....and don't worry....if you really don't have any friends now, you will find them later...I did.

Hmmm....#strokes chin, wondering#

For a self proclaimed 'first poem ever' this is quite good, but I have to agree with Casey: the idea of telling everything straight out gets old fast. You should try and show those feelings you told us about in different ways: images, metaphors, similies, that sort of thing. They're the most glorious things poets have!
Otherwise though, the poem was good, more like lyric poetry I would say then dramatic poetry, but whatver. Your sadness comes across well and the style is quite original, I think (whether thats a good thing or not, I'll leave up to the other readers....)

#stops stroking chin, satisfied#

This poem is good for a first.
But a few things got to me. The rhythm was really hard to get my head around, and it felt disjointed and a little awkward(sp?), but you did show the story well. Original, with great potential.
Keep it up, and have fun.
Wild