Ice Cubes # 18

Taken down due to publishing

I like the detail with the toenails, intriguing yet horrible at the same time!

Couple of grammatical errors:

I was as think as a twig anyway

*Thin

I was jealous that she was getting more looks from me.

*from should be than.

Great stuff, I'm still captivated!
And I still hate Chris!

Alainna
xxxxxxx

Another section to love, though it ended quite abruptly (I love the last line by the way).

The first paraghraph could be broken up into smaller sections. But I still love it just the way it is! As always =D

lemme know when you post the next part kk?? =D

-JC

Just so you all know, My Creative Writing teacher loved this and she is going to send it off to publishers! *gets nervous* So I won't be posting it anymore But i have already started like the next part, It's called Cupcakes and I have finished the first part soi look out for that!

Meevs
x

Damn! I was looking forward to the next part

But on a brighter note. Good luck with getting it published.

Yeah, uber awesomeness. I'm sure everybody will love it! But I wish I could continue reading it...*tears*

Good Luck!!!!!

-JC

Good luck on the publishing thing. This piece was awesome, as usual. Though i think when you have Jamiy explain the whole dance thing, i think that you should also describe where Sappy is and what she is doing.

Hey Meevs. It says that you won't be posting anymore, but I just seen 32 so I'll assume that didn't work out.

I think this one's been pointed out, but:

I was as think as a twig anyway,

*thin

I was scared of loosing my hair in my mid-thirties.

I notice a lot of people doing this so it might be a nationality thing, but should that be losing?

I was jealous that she was getting more looks from me.

That confused me a bit after the bit before it. But I don't know lol.

Alan floppy chin his laughing friends.

Maybe and his laughing friends?

something that collects all the dirt between your teeth, and you keep chewing it?

...and I never considered that lol.

Its like a giant mating stadium or something.

*It's

Yay for the big long chapter, longer than most I've read, I think. It was really good. And now I have disturbing images of stadiums in my head...