Flash Fic- Crystal Ball I.D. DLTD

Sumi H. Inkblot

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Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:11 pm

Sumi H. Inkblot says... · Wed Apr 11, 2007 5:11 pm

*Deleted*

Last edited by Sumi H. Inkblot on Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ohmeohmy

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Twit

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Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:42 pm

Twit says... · Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:42 pm

LOL at the ending! :lol:

I don't think it was terribly badly written.

The Baroness wrote:“But, but, anyone could be on the other end!” stammered Carrie,

You should add a dash ( - ) instead of the comma. It makes it look more broken up, if you see what I mean.

The Baroness wrote:“Of course I’m not nervous. I have caller ID, of course.” he pointed at the base of the crystal pedestal

I'm not too sure here about this. As you have a full stop, the "he" should start with a capital letter; if you keep the small letter, it should be a comma.

The Baroness wrote:...where small letters glowed the words- “Professor Elby, Alchemy Classroom”.

Um, colon ( : ) here, instead?

The Baroness wrote:“Do tell Howie to cough it up, but not on my classroom floor this time. I need it back before tonight. Ta!” a wand waved in front of her face and the image faded.

Again, should this be a capital?

The Baroness wrote:“Professor Berdance- Study of the Non-Magical Number Language classroom”.

Switch these round - they're in the wrong place.

The Baroness wrote:“Have you been playing Calvinball again with Gudspel and Elby?”

I thought it was Lindling who said this, the first time I read it. It might be me being particually dense here, but maybe you could add something round it, to make it clear who said it? Like, Berdance's face resembled a dark thundercloud. “Have you been playing Calvinball again with Gudspel and Elby?” Just a thought.

Aside from that, it was funny! :lol: