The Storm

-EDIT-

The cries of gulls crash hard against the voices of the doomed,
And in my skiff I'm forced to duck, as the wind attacks the boom.
The unbridgeable expanse of sea, so deep and still so dark,
Guarantees to all within, that they will never disembark.
A one way cruise is what you've bought, to the bottom of a well
And while you're sinking slowly, each may find a unique hell.
And so amidst the blackened waves of life we call a sea
the brilliant drown in hopes only the ignorant can see.
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Claudette, I owe you thanks for reminding me of this poem I wrote around Feb. last year, with a similar theme to yours. It was sitting deep in my hard drive, alone and lost, but it's here now and happy

Noticing my name upon the screen (and to return the critique you have given me) I have come to give this a look ^_^

Upon first notice: you have an absolute lack of any capitalization, and the only punctuation is a period at the end. Now, of course, this isn't always the worst thing in the world, but you have to have a reason for it. Obviously you want punctuation, why else would you end the whole thing in a period? As for the capitalization... I'm not sure. It could go either way. In most of my poems, I capitalize the first letter of each line, though in Black Water I only capitalized if it was the start of a sentence, because I felt it gave the continuing lines a kind of flow; you didn't have the capitalization, the representation of a new start to jolt you out of the flow. You could add capitalization, or not. As for punctuation, I think this poem would benefit from it because some lines (the unbridgeable expanse of sea so deep and still so dark) seem out of place and strange without it. The lack of punctuation does give it a certain feel but, at the same time, I don't like it. (Though, I am overly obsessed with structure ) This might help you in your punctuating endeavors: Poetry & Punctuation

I liked it, but I'm not sure what to comment on it. I think I would have a better grasp of it once punctuation, because right now, I'm not sure how it is meant to be read. But that is a lame excuse, so I'll scrounge up what I can to say Some lines I liked a lot, While You're sinking slowly each may find a unique hell, for example. But the lines felt very long, and it felt very...I'm not sure of a word for it. I got a little bit of imagery, but no emotions. I think perhaps if you went through it and fixed it up here and there, changed some words, try to give it more emotion, try to made the reader feel, it would be better.

I hope this helped, rather than confused >< If you have any questions, PM me