loose stars

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We drop our prayers into the mirrored blue and
watch them ripple out in arcs across the stars,

because here we are never more than inches below gravity,
rattling the constellations like loose change in our pockets.

While underneath the curvature of sky, old Abraham still counts
the stars, numbering his sons and daughters off into the eras.

Rest assured the limits of the world will soon be met, so we ration
our remaining breaths because soon they will be spent on heavy

worded phrases and snatched away by greedier lungs, for in this
veil of woven ink we cling between the breath we gave and the

one we have yet to take.
The individual leads in actual fact a double life, one in which he is an end to himself and another in which he is a link in a chain which he serves against his will or at least independently of his will.
--SIGMUND FREUD




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Wow.

Just... wow. I cannot tell you how much I love this poem! I really like how you stick with two-line stanzas until the end, and the last line begins (every so fittingly) with "one."

Brilliant.

Your imagery is gorgeous, and your words fit the tone beautifully.

I suppose this isn't the most helpful critique, but... I just keep reading it over and over, and I still have yet to find a part I don't like.

You.... You. Keep writing. That is an order.
Love and Light




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i have to second crysi in the lack of helpful critique and the wow-ness of this.

beautiful poem. profound message.

keep on writing. please. =)



You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind