Alphonse Elric

okay so I know not everyone here watches anime but I did write this for Al.
for people that read this and don't get what it means.
well long story short Al is a soul in a suit of armor. sad story. the poem is supposed to describe that fact though..

okay so anyways...
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Trapped in this empty shell all alone
left with only memories and without a home

I am not flesh or blood no bone
I am unable to cry
I am unable to sleep

Only left with an awful sin my brother and I keep
No longer know to any pain
Only robbed from the feeling of rain

Soul bound to metal steel
No longer I am able to feel

Just an innocent boy
with a terrible past
and a lonley desire
to be human alas.

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yes yes I know the punctuation issue here. Trust me I'll get that right one of these days.

(this is on my fanfic account for anyone that might have come across it there.)

hmm... i'm sure al would like this. =P

what bothered me was your overconcentration of trying to dedicate this poem to this al character. you seemed desperate to include specific examples into the poem, yet they seem irrelevant to those who know nothing about al and anime (like myself).

Only left with an awful sin my brother and I keep

this is one example of that.

also, you're trying to rhyme this. you seem to lose meaning of the poem and substitute it for words that sound alike.

Just an innocent boy
with a terrible past
and a lonley desire
to be human alas.

here, you're trying to tell us something about al and his horrible past. so what? so what about his horrible past? instead of portraying the terrible things that al has gone through, you rhyme words together, simply telling us that it happened.

i'm not much for fan poetry, but i think you just need to work on this. hope this helps!