Story starts

Story start oneShe reached out with her icy hands. They uncurled slowly as if each movement caused intense pain. Her face contorted with agony as she gripped the prickly rope.
She found the floor with one foot and stumbled onto the ledge. Her left foot stepped out again and touched the next ledge. She carried on, leaping from ledge to ledge, until her hands and feet were numb with pain.
A glimmer of light appeared ahead of her; it twinkled and sparkled in the darkness.
The girl lumbered on towards the light, her strength draining quickly.
She summoned her last shred of energy and soared into the unknown…


Story start 2

The fire crackled and hissed faintly inside the stove. The gentle glow of the flames wafted through the iron vent, slowly warming the toes of little Ellima Woodbrook.
The child slept serenely on the woollen rug, her chestnut hair concealing a flour white face and two sapphire eyes. A dress of faded leather hid her willowy body and a knitted shawl was draped across her shoulders.
The girl stirred suddenly, opening her eyes. Ellima sat up and scanned the room, when she suddenly remembered the crystal. She felt for the rock around her neck frantically, only to find it was still hung around her neck.


Story start 3

The oak tree had always been mine, since I was a toddler crawling over the roots, right up to my 10th birthday. The tree had meant so many things to me. It was a house, a lookout, and a place to relax. I even stuck pages of books in the hollow trunk and pinned pictures as well.
The oak tree was like a thousand friends put together. The wise old oak tree never got angry and always listened to my troubles. I called him Hody on account of the name scratched on one of the lower branches.
But Hody was gone now, so I was just a friend less child again.
My mother killed him.t I still remember the day they chopped at my dear Hody with axes and cut him to timber wood. And my mother had ordered it. My mother had sentenced my only friend to death.
They cleared his body away to be burned, without any fuss or guilt.
I remember grabbing a chip of wood before the workers left. I still wear it on a piece of string, as a reminder of my departed friend.
But those days are over. No longer do I obey my twisted parents and their desire to seize power wherever they find it.
This is my story…
Story start 4
The Lorag root was an odd sort of food. Apart from looking exactly like an ordinary twig, the root had a strange bitter taste, which Ellima seemed to find addictive. Chewing on a stick may not have been one of Ellima’s favourite meals but she didn’t feel hungry any more, so that was all right. Usually, she would just imagine herself tucking into a bowl of pasta or a huge pie filled with big, juicy chunks of chicken to stop herself feeling starved, so the twigs were an improvement.
She mouthed a silent prayer of thanks to whoever had planted this bush and broke a few twigs of the plant for later use.
Ellima placed the sticks in her small leather pouch, slung it over her back and whistled loudly.
The familiar sound of Dusk’s call rang through the woods; Dusk had been Ellima’s companion since birth and came on all her journeys.
Dusk was a Regal Spearcat; Spearcats were a cross between a unicorn, a cat and a bird. They were also very loyal, which was essential to Ellima’s lifestyle.
Dusk circled the air above the trees and smoothly dived, landing perfectly in front of Ellima’s feet.
He spat out a copy of the News Parchment and licked Ellima affectionately.
“Thanks, Dusky.” Said Ellima cheerfully. She wiped the drool-covered paper on a tree trunk.
Ellima unrolled the parchment and read the front page.

Story start 5
A storm raged over the battlements of Scarlet Palace. Raindrops drummed on the towers and raced down the stain-glass windows. Lightning bolts flashed in the sky and the boom of thunder echoed throughout the Palace grounds.
Ellima’s room was at the top of the second turret, facing the rolling hills of Selenia valley. She stared out of the window, half asleep, counting the raindrops that landed on the sill. Ellima cast her eyes over the fading horizon and whispered…

“Beyond the realm of chiming bells
Over the clouds of Moondeval
As rain falls and lightning flashes,
Let the wind hear my wishes”


She pulled the last petal off the dying rose and blew gently on it. It turned to ash instantly. She shook the ash off her fingers and looked out of the window again.

story Start 6
She ran. Her heart pounding in her chest, hair blowing wildly across her face. She stumbled over fallen trunks and tumbled through undergrowth. Her breath quickening as fear seized her. She shivered with the thought someone finding her, in the woods, all alone…
Her legs ached with exhaustion and her arms felt like logs. Unable to carry on, she stopped and spun round looking for a place to hide.
An enormous rock, stuck to the mountainside caught her eye.

Lottie, I'm not sure if you meant for each of these to stand alone, or for each to be expanded (I'm assuming it's the second one). I'm also unsure if all are connected (because Ellima comes back after a few paragraphs, but doesn't seem to fit into the very first one). If they are separate, eliminate confusion by posting them separately or offesetting them with dashes or stars, or label them. Anyway:

#1
"They uncurled slowly as if each movement caused intense pain."
I had assumed that to reason her fingers moved slowly was because it was so painful; in that case, "as if" is unnecessary as there is no need for comparison (and then "caused" would become "causing"). Also, think of ways to begin sentences without pronouns. It'll be necessary, of course, in the long run to use pronouns, but in something so short, it catches your attention and draws focus away from what's happening.

#2
"The fire crackled and hissed faintly inside the stove". The fire is doing many things in such a short sentence: it crackles, hisses, and is faint. I'd suggest picking one adjective, either crackled or hissed, and using faintly to modify it. If you really like both, you can mention the other later on. You use alot of adjectives in your desciption of this girl, which is good, but can have a tendency to weigh things down when used all in once chunk, giving the effect of taking the reader aside to explain what is going on, rather than letting the reader pick up on it for themselves.

I get the feeling that Ellima (lovely name, by the way) is a graceful person because of her soft features and "willowy body", but then she "heaved a sigh of relief", and breaks the image. Now, if the point is that Ellima is a contradition to what people first see her as, this works very well and should be continued. However, if Ellima will continue throughout the story to be shown as graceful, you might want to pick a more delicate verb.

#3
First of all, you should spell out all numbers under a hundred, but that's minor in the grand scheme of things. The phrase "pinned pictures as well" jumped out at me as an odd way of ending a sentence, partly because it is redundant in conjunction with the word "even" at the beginning.

"It was my mother that had killed Hody" try to remain in active voice, other wise things seem cluttered. You can say something to the effect of "My mother killed Hody" and get the same point across, without the reader having to think about how you're saying it.

"My mother had sent my only friend to death." Since death is not really considered a place, but a state, the tree cannot be "sent" there. It can be sentenced there...it can be sent to the big forest in the sky (alright, that'd be pushing it).

#4
"Usually, she would just imagine herself tucking into a bowl of pasta or a huge pie filled with big, juicy chunks of chicken to stop herself feeling starved, so the twigs were an improvement." This is a long sentence. Can you break it up anywhere? "stop herself feeling starved" is very wordy, and gramatically confusing. Can you say something else that alludes to her being full without saying that she is no longer starving?

#5
"The familiar sound of Dusk's call rang through the woods; Dusk had been Ellima's companion since birth and came on all her journeys." I'd add the description of Dusk right after he is first introduced, set off by commas so as not to draw the reader out of the story.

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Other than that, continue each of these and see where the stories take you. I hope this was helpul.

-Amelia

Thank you amelia, these are just bit of stuff i wrote.
Thnak you for saying you like the name Ellima (i made that name up).
I loved your poem so much.
If you can could you comment on the blue crystal?
thanks.
Charlotte