Just a small pieceform one of my storys

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 25
“John how could you?” asked Amelia.

“I wish I could explain it to you, Amelia.”

“John, we don’t have time, we must go now before they find us,” said Vasilia, her voice tinged with worry, her eyes darting around the room, they were all on edge. John knew she was right, they shouldn’t still be here.

“Its you!” screamed Amelia, “It’s all your fault!”

John felt it a second to late to act.
A force of magic slammed into Vasilia, sending her spinning through the air.

John was the first to react, throwing Amelia back against the wall. Smashing the shield she had raised around her body.

The force of his magic fuelled by his anger pinned her to the wall. He could see the damage he was doing. Her robes had begun to tear. The skin on her hands and face slowly formed small jagged cuts as John’s anger continued to rage.

The blood from the small cuts welled up in the wounds on her face and hands, unable to drip down her skin while the force of his Power held her against the wall.

All John’s reason was buried under his hurt and feeling of betrayal. She had turned on him and attacked Vasilia.

He was snapped out of his fiery anger by the alarms from the wards as they were set off.

John could feel the shield weaken under an unknown attack, while the disruption ward strained as it tried to stop dozens of Wizards from appearing in the room.

“Brian,” John muttered, after years of working together they all knew their place and what they had to do.
Immediately the strain on the wards lessened as Brian added his strength to their task.

Turning back to Amelia, John saw that large parts of her robes had now been torn and the skin below was covered in tiny cuts. Even the stone wall around her was beginning to crack and crumble.

“Please John,” she whispered, straining to speak under the pressure of the magic.

“Don’t!” roared John.
“You attacked one of my friends, the closest thing I have to a sister all because you are jealous and do not want to believe that I, I alone! Wish to fight the Wizards and even you.” He was now screaming. All his self control lost “Once four years ago I loved you more then life, but that changed, I changed. They follow me,” John said, pointing at his sworn brothers, “I do not follow them.”

Stepping forward john said, “I will not have you putting them in more danger simply because I do not wish to see you hurt, well that ends now.”

“I love you John,” said Amelia, her voice bearly a whisper.

John could tell that she had not heard a word he said. She would not believe that he was doing this of his own free will. In her mind there was no way that the life loving man she had known could turn on the Wizards.
It was for this reason that John knew he would have to make a hard decision. If there is one thing I have learnt, John though, it is that the right things in life are never easy.

Stepping right up to her, his face only an inch away from hers John whispered, “I love you.”

Kissing her ever so lightly on the lips, John watched the light leave her eyes, as he slipped the dagger between her ribs and into her heart.

With the light went the adoring love that had haunted John since his return from the demon realm.
In the shadows i walk, through the light of life.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 566
Hmm, In all fairness I'm not too sure if i liked this as much as your other stuff. You used the word 'wall' too much in the first bits of it.

To be completly honest I'm not entirley sure what is going on :\ I mean your a talented writer I'm just not sure what is happening.

Sorry this was a completly useless review :P but keep working at this, you could make it flow much better.

Miyaviloves
Bag.

Got YWS?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 17
I loved the vivid verbs and the fact that you used coversation, but the conversations lack depth. 'I love you, John' and 'It's you! It's all your fault!' can be a little more descriptive. I like the plot, though.
Sleeping and being dead are basically the same thing. Except when you're dead, you don't wake up. Ever. Even when your alarm clock rings.

-Ryan Zlock



I wish literally anything else I ever said made it into the quote generator.
— CowLogic