hehe. cool money!!!!
here we just have a stupid $ sign. *Shakes head sadly*
What's sugar lace???
But that is not the question. Why we are here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. -Beckett
Quote: I didn’t hold anything against her for this, as the time we were supposed to be studying we were laughing and flouncing around the school
Don't we all.
There are some parts where you switch from past tense to present tense. From what i have read, this book is past so look back at your book and switch all present to past. I don't picture this kid at the age of eleven. I think of him as at least thirteen ot fourteen, but you did make mention that he is mature for his age. This was a good piece. I really enjoyed it. Keep it up.
It doesn't think, doesn't feel. It doesn't laugh or cry. All it does from dusk 'till dawn is make the soldiers die
1. We go to the party with a present and have a jolly good time even if it is a bit crap.
2. We go to the party without a present and make the birthday girl's life hell as we didn't like her anyway.
Hahahah, these first two options made me laugh.
The only error I spotted was in your second big paragraph, "This was an incredibly deal for me," I think you've missed a word between 'incredibly' and 'deal'.
I'd agree and think Jamiy was older than 11, but on that same topic I'd think you'd be older than 16 for the ability of writing something like this. Ah, well maybe the English are just ahead of us, it is fashion wise so why not maturity? Hahahah, I'm joking on that last bit.
I'm hooked, I'm not stopping now.
The surrounding world
was an ugly one,
but we needed no beauty
other than the light
within each other's eyes. - "Modern World" * topic15452
Just got on to quickly read the next part lol. Umm... just a couple of things here.
