Flames of Lecraesa: Chapter 2 (A Ruined Courtyard)

*huggles*

I love you, Cal! You have no idea how helpful those comments were.

Glad I could help.

I do have the first two parts of Chapter 3 done. Just printed out the last of 3, as well as all of 4, 5, 6, & 7.

Cal.

Okay! I'm going to make a prediction that may or may not be correct. Remember that one woman at the beginning of chapter one?

Fingers stiff and cold with fear, the woman closed the old book, clutching her old, tattered cloak about her shoulders. Shivering, she huddled in the dusty corner of the large room and winced as the shouts of soldiers grew louder and louder outside her house. It would be a few hours before they discovered the back door open where her companions had escaped. Squeezing her eyes shut and hugging herself tightly, the woman fought a frightened sob. Strick, where are you?

Is Arillo that woman? That's my guess. Even if she's not, I really want to learn more about her.

Again. Your characterization is amazing. It's a good thing you're good at this, otherwise I don't think I would read the a whole chapter in one sitting. You kept the story flowing and I really like Markus.

So what's going on?? Are they part of some sort of resistance? Rebellion? What's going on?

So! Characters!

Markus: I think he's very cheerful and happy. However, he seems close to Strick. Not like brother-brother, or father-son or uncle-nephew. But close friends. And because you hinted at something else going on here, it adds another element to Markus. I want to say Strick-ish. I REALLY can't wait to find out more about him.

Strick IS coming back, right? I can understand his leaving like that, but he's not splitting up with Creiha, right?

Strick: Interesting! I'm dying to find out more about him! I think by now, you can stop putting quietly and softly. It's pretty much a given. If you continue putting them in chapters three to six, that's fine. What I like about Strick is he's in control of himself. He doesn't go flying into a rage, or skipping with joy. He's calm. It gives him more power if he were to yell or get angry.


Creiha: Opposite of Strick. With Strick, I think he's pretty well developed. With Creiha, I think she'll be doing some growing. I look forward to it. So here's my theory: She has a fever from her arm, and that's why she almost sees her town in the distance. The fever's also the reason she was wanting to go home. She didn't seem all the way there when she was wanting to go back, so that's what I think. After her fever goes down a bit, she doesn't want to go back. In which case, it's logical. I can't wait to see how she'll grow.

Arillo: Who is she?

Yhe, very good! (DUH.)

WD wrote:“I need to return home,” Creiha murmured, leaning away from Strick and beginning to turn around. “Let go of me! Leave me here – I don’t want to go one any further. I’ll find my way home!” Creiha pleaded, pushing away from Strick. When Strick stepped away to avoid her arms, Creiha cried out at another flash of pain that seared her arm and reached for Strick desperately. “Please, just show me the way home.”

I like the way you change her emotions here, so one minute she's trying to protest her independance, and then when she feels pain, she wants Strick's help. Although, like other people have said, why does she want to go home, and then not?

WD wrote:"Home is further than you think."

I LOVE lines like that. The "goosebump"-ish lines that mean so much.

The only errors I noticed was that at times you repeat the name "Creiha" to much. You say, "Creiha did this, and Creiha thought that. Then Creiha saved the world, and after that, Creiha blew up an ex-army tank with a sub-machine gun."

See, you repeat it too much.

Apart from that, very good!

Thanks so much, ShadowTwit! *huggles*

I must have some sort of aversion to pronouns. I'll start taking out her name when I edit this.