Red Apple

Red Apple

Kingdom coming,
a seedling grows
Walls are built,
towering overhead

Leaves grow green,
and turrets spout
A tree matures,
the men go out

The fruit blossoms
as weapons are drawn,
Spring's first child,
shines bright red

And war's first casualty
falls
still
dead.


An attempt at use of symbolism. Enjoy!
~Yoyo

Your symbolism goal was rather well achieved, I think. Though if you add in a few more lines it might have a bit more of a plot?
Also the cadence of your poem is a little choppy. I might be misinterpreting what you were going for but in the last stanza, when you have each word on a seperate line I think that you should add a coma after each one-because if you don't it reads like one long line- I think it would help the overall feel a lot.

Hope this helps
-Gen

I really liked this! Scrambled, you don't have to add commas on every line. Sometimes the aim of the poem IS to be one long line, and I think that's what yoha was shooting at.

The symbolism was great. I loved the part about the first child being bright red. Brilliant!

The only thing I suggest is changing "seedling" to "seed" in the second line. It just seems to flow better.

Nice symbolism you definatly aimmed, fired and scored.
I really enjoyed the fact that nature and pleasant things dominated the poem and the constrast of war being dropped in at in my mind absolutly perfect times because its almost like you said them and then changed back to nature leaving the reader like....wow, did she just say
"as the weapons are drawn"
also my favourite part of the poem was the last stanza
"And war's first casualty
falls
still
dead. "
I think its really effective but maybe some dots to make more of a silence between the words falls....still.....dead as first time around i read them quickly and i think they are all processes and the image of someone dying is much more prefound when its slowed down into the step by step falls.....still.....dead.
Other than that i cant flaw anything else with it.
I love it and look forward to your next one