Ice cubes #2

Taken down due to publishing

I liked it. Unlike your first one it was more laid back and funny. Especially the ending.
But i still get the feeling that the speaker is a girl.
Anyway look forward to more

“And what to eat? How about the chicken? It’s real good here,”

Few things about this, the first being "It's real good..." for some reason really would flow better, I think. Second, you ended it with a comma, which should be a period.

The house that we lived in was immaculate clean,

Do you mean, "Immaculately clean," or "immaculate, clean," ????

“Where did she loose it?” At the time I thought it was utter carelessness to simply loose a child, and as much as Clarice annoyed me I would never have thought she could be that irresponsible.

ah, this made me smile. =) (<- something like that)

“Yeah,” He kept his eyes on the road this time “You will understand when you’re older,”.

the comma should be a period. punctuation should come before the second quotation mark.

“What does ejaculation mean?” I will never forget the look on her face, thinking back on it now, it was a word that most eight year olds would not hear for a good few years, let alone ask its meaning. But she told me, and she told me everything there was to know about human bodies and sex right then and there. I guess you couldn’t give an answer to something like that without an explanation. So I left that drama lesson feeling on top of the world because I knew what ejaculation meant and no one else did. Apart from Mrs Dack that is.

(I think that's a laughing face, who knows?)
I love that paragraph on so many levels. Like, I can imagine a teachers reaction to and eight year old asking what ejaculation was, and just the way it helps Jaimy make his point. Along with adding more depth to his character. Ah, amazing how the little things work ain't it??? teehee.

Yup, but on another less quoted point, I love this story, I really do. The ways it's written is really helping the reader (in this case me) get to know Jamiy and what he's going through. My only problem would be the punctuation. There were a few I didn't point out, the ones that I did were the ones that jumped out at me though. So yes, wonderful story. I'll continue it when I return!

Keep up the wonderful work!!!!

=) JC

This was an improvement of your first. The emotions of the character are very well described. I like how you have this character explaining the present and also having flashbacks. There were a few grammatical errors but other than that it was awesome

Edited

Hey again. I think I'm going to limit myself to only critting two of these in a day. Otherwise I'll race through and have nothing to read. xD

Anyway, just a few mistakes here.

its real good.”

*It's

Becca kicked my under the table

*kicked me

Over the weeks that I had stayed with them I noticed that she began to dust and hover more than usual.

Um, should that be hoover? I think that's how you spell it. Even though we say vacuum, or lux over here.

that was even scarier than he obsessive cleaning

*the

I love your humour. xD It works really well. Anyway, that's it from me.

-Mat