She could feel it, biting deep; a raging fire in her blood, her bones. As always the urge was left unanswered, the need suppressed. Matilda shuddered, trying to focus on the page in front of her. The ink blurred, shapeless, then reformed into images: a knight galloped across the page, rearing at the edge then vanishing into nothing. Quickly, she glanced around to see if anyone had noticed but of course no one had.
An ache was building in her head, the world was starting to spin. The coppery taint of blood filled her mouth as the room tilted and suddenly she was staring at many pairs of feet through the legs of chairs. The clamour of concerned voices roared and she winced as the sound of chairs scraping shrilly against the floor sheared through her head. She moaned, and immediately the furore calmed.
"Is she okay?"
"Is she awake? Matilda, are you okay?"
"Someone call the nurse; call an ambulance!"
Mere noise; a collection of fallacies. She heard the truth in their minds, that secret voice they thought no one could hear. She knew who they truly were.
Oh god, what could it be now?
Why can't she just be normal?
She's such a freak...
Always judging, berating, isolating her with their prejudices. Darkness swirled at the edges of blurred vision, hungry, and she felt herself fall. As the light faded and silence fell, she heard a thought, far different from any other; ephemeral and sleek, it slithered into her mind: Finally, it begins. Blissful oblivion claimed her.
***
She was striding across a torn battleground, strewn with bloodied corpses and twitching limbs. She breathed deep the fester of loosened bowels and rotting bodies, the murmur of anguished moans, the caw of the carrion bird... it was such a heady atmosphere. She shivered, nipples hardening beneath her leather cuirass.
Her sword had reaped the souls of many this day and the very world cried in anguish. Ice blue eyes that burned with power surveyed the scene with pleasure, lingering over the broken standards, the symbols of the hopes and dreams of vanquished men. Her conquest was only now beginning; behind her the hills were swallowed by the waves of her army. She stood on a promontory.
"Today, a new chapter begins in the annals of Men," she said, voice soft but clear to all."Today, we made our presence known and the world will take note. Kings and Emperor's will quail at my name and the gods themselves will tremble!"
She raised gauntlets encrusted with blood to the heavens. "For I am War!" she screamed. The roar of a million men shook the skies.
***
Matilda awoke, gasping. Her heart was beating wildly, still riding high on the exultant screams of men. The glare of light against white surfaces burned. She squinted, moaning softly at the brightness, at the discomfort of sweat plastered hair snaking wildly on her face. Immediately, she felt a cool band of darkness enclose her. She sighed.
"Matilda?" A voice, hesitant, worried. Familiar. Miss Honey... Mum...
She didn't want to deal with this right now. For a moment, she had felt unencumbered, free of her troubles...and with one word she brought it all back. And yet, the yoke of duty still bound her, making her murmur in response.
"Are you alright, honey?"
You made me this way. Your killing me.
Then, the presence drifted closer. "No one...," a pause, "You didn't..."
Even now, even here, this was all that mattered. Matilda felt the familiar pulse inside her. She pushed it aside, shaking her head minutely. A whisper of relief, then the faint creak of weight settling back onto a chair.
The lights burned, but no one saw the tears.
