We should eventually create a section specifically for teen-based poetry...
Not original, to say the least, but wasn't entirely horrible either, so that is good. You have almost an entire lack of punctuation and structure, but I'll forgive that for now under the assumption that you are new to poetry. If you'd like I have an article: Poetry & Punctuation.
This poem is what a lot of teenagers have to say, so it isn't new. You want to find a way to make your poetry stick out from the rest. This is what I would call emotional poetry, and with emotional poetry the writer gets selfish. Don't tell us what is going on and what you feel, make us be in the situation and feel it.
I think it would be good for you to read some poetry before trying again, get a feel for what real poetry is? Even if just around YWS. Read poems, and read the responses to figure out what is good/bad. Try to read some articles on writing poetry, there are several in the Writing Tips, and we also have a group called the Poetry Seminar, I believe.
I know I really didn't say a lot to this specific poem, but I hope it helped.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
