Gods: Post Scriptum

Silence reigned for a moment. "So what we do we now?" Jesus asked.

He and Muhammad were alone, God and Buddha having gone to get something to eat.

"What do you mean?" Muhammad said, peering at his fingernails.

"Well...I mean, the story's over. There's really no point in us being here anymore."

Pause.

"What are you suggesting?" he said slowly.

"I don't know."

"So why did you mention it in the first place? God!"

You called?

"What?" Muhammad looked up, startled by the booming voice that issued from the white. "Oh. No, sorry."

The crunching of Smiths chips thundered.

"Anyways," Muhammad resumed. "... You're an idiot."

Shocked, Jesus exclaimed, "I am not! All I meant to say was...," he stopped, tongue peeking out as he concentrated. "that we shouldn't even exist right now---"

"Wait, what? Are you saying our existence is dependant on some cynical, caustic individual even now punching away at a keyboard? Some would consider that blasphemy you know."

"No, no that's not at all what I meant," Jesus hastened to add. "I mean, the representation of us, as devised by said individual should no longer function as they have served their purpose."

Mohammad was staring at Jesus as if he had suddenly turned into a Smurf. "So, what your saying is, we have clones."

Jesus suddenly looked very much lost and confused. "What--I--I-- ... I don't know anymore! My head hurts," he finished in a small, hurt voice.

"Moo!"

Jesus jumped, frightened by the sudden appearance of a massive brown cow. "Oh, its just you. What do you want?"

"Moo."

Jesus stared at Muhammad. "Did you catch that?"

Muhammad nodded slowly. "She thinks she's being funny by not speaking in english," he said. "Ha. Ha."

"Mooooooo."

"Oh, why don't you go clomp on some grass?!"

The cow stared at him with its huge brown eyes, then slowly looked about at the plain expanse of white, as if to say, "Do you see any grass around here, numbskull?" Then, as if to chastise him for his unseemly outburst, the cow proceeded to unleash a massive, steaming pile of faeces. Somehow, there was something profane about the sight of it, a dark stain on otherwise peerless white.

"And you wonder why we don't hang with you," Jesus said in disgust. He motioned to Muhammad and they rose, leaving the cow suddenly alone. With a last, plaintive, "Moo..." the cow vanished.

The two walked in silence. After some time they reached the edge. They sat, legs dangling over the precipice. Below the panoply of the universe spread out in all its wonder. They focused on Earth. A devilish gleam lit up in Muhammad's eyes. "Want to play a game?"

Jesus looked nothing short of horrified. "No!"

"Why not?"

"Don't you remember what happened last time we played one of your "games"?"

"Oh it was nothing, a minor side effect, that's all it was."

"You call the Crusades a "minor side effect"?!"

"Okay fine! We wont play then." He looked away, sullen. "Hey, hey God!" he called.

The murmur of munching stopped briefly. There was a pause, then a sharp beep rang out and an automated message played: "Hi, you've reached God. I'm not here right now, or am avoiding you. Please leave a maessage after the tone."

The munching resumed. Muhammad sighed, he hadn't really expected a response anyway.

The two friends sat then, contemplative. Ages passed.


"Is Buddha still eating?" Muhammad asked suddenly.

"Of course he is."

I don't ... get it. I feel like it should be funny, but it didn't work for me. I think it was a little too random and underdeveloped. I think maybe it could've been an interesting, funny, interfaith dialoque, but it veered too much into the "lol, blasphemy!" category, at least for me. (I mean, what's with the suddenly turning into a smurf?)

I'm not sure Buddha actually eats often, or should be categorized as such. His large figure is symbolic of good fortune and general happiness, not overeating. (He actually fasted for quite a long time; is that what you're trying to reference, that he starved himself while alive and is making up for it now?)

It's an interseting idea, having major world religious figures sitting around talking about their followers, I just wasn't thrilled with the way this was executed.

I liked it. I love learning about religion. I am not really religious in anyway but i like religion and this made me chuckle. I just had a weird vision of buddha munching away and the two most important religious figures sitting there talking.
Although what was the cow for?? lol

okay that was kinda funny at the begining but It was kinda weired at the same time. I agree with Meep on this. but it was okay I guess.....but it was very confusing.

This is part two of my earlier story Gods. If you haven't read that then you wont get this, in fact I'm surprised you read it all lol.

I didn't expect this to be as good as the original, which I normally would have left alone, but I'm just tryin to break writer's block..

Thanks for the comments.

Yeah, this doesn't have the punch that part one had. Still amusing, but only as a random little sketch. Actually, it reminded me slightly of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, an absurdist parody of Hamlet.

Anyway.

You had a few grammatical errors (your/you're, for instance), and the one part near the beginning where Muhammad says "God" and the latter answers could be better punctuated as, "So why did you mention it in the first place? God!" And maybe you could add a sigh of exasperation or something.

It's difficult to clean this one up, unfortunately. Cute idea, and a good writing exercise, but not nearly the quality of the first part. Nice try though!

Too true Crysi, but then, I wasn't trying to make it as good, as you said, just a writing excercise. Thanks for commenting!

Interesting idea. Very..."Monty Pythonesque" religious satire is alot of fun. Now I will have to read the first part. Keep writing. Though I would have to agree that a little of this was kinda vague.

Keep up the good writing!

~Bard

I think it's freakin hysterical. Teh cow and Muhammad! Oh couldn't hold it in and then the games and the crusades! OMG that was too much.

I love you. I really do.

umm...... it's OK

... Right. Lol, thanks a lot Adam, and to all the others for taking the time to comment. Tis appreciated.