He had already looked at all of them twice before, and Kyle could still feel Jonathon's glare from two hours ago.the way kyle and jon are mentioned in this sentence doesn't work. He is Jon, but looks like He=kyle
Jon leaned back so that he was almost again the desk.
"You know," he laughed quietly. "You said you felt like a character out of a book, remember?"I love how you brought this back, not to mention it reminds me of how you debated Ch's genre for the longest time, and probably still are. It's the book speaking about the book...in the book! xD
"Yeah..."
"Is it a science fiction book? It would be fucking awesome if it were science fiction."
Jon smiled sadly. "I think it's probably a tragedy."