Thoughts of Jack

The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
I saw him last
I ordered the blast
The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
I met him first
I saw him at his worst
We are his crew, now what will we do
The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
I freed him
He freed me
Now we must set him free
The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
I met my father,because of him
I got advice
I got to be in a sword fight
He set us free from the Medallions glow
The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Captain Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
We'll remember him through and through,for we are his noble crew

The poem itself is very choppy, you have a lot of short sentences which I don't think work very well.

Gurby

Imagine them say this and you'll have my point of view.
Thank You,
Alanna

Good start, 'Lanna! I actually like the short sentences; it creates a feel. And of course I like anything to do with Pirates.

I think it would be better, though, if you limited the point of view a little. Sometimes it's from the point of view of the crew, other times Will. It'd read smoother if you made it from one point of view or the other.

Next, punctuation. I think the poem would flow faster if you took away the punctuation marks at the end of each line, like this:

Alanna wrote:The world's turning dark
The word's turning cold
For Jack Sparrow has gone overboard
I saw him last
I ordered the blast

...and so on.

Also, remember that you always put a space after a comma!

I met my father,because of him

There's no comma here.

He set us free from the Medallions glow

"Medallions" shouldn't be capitalized and there's an apostrophe somewhere. If it's one medallion, put the apostrophe before the S (medallion's), if more than one, after (medallions').

Yeah, like I said, good start! Let me know when you revise it, okay?

Cheers! ~Shafter

Good poem, buddy-ol'-pal.

I agree that the poem does not flow. I'm not too good with poems, so correct me if I'm wrong or if I'm missing something. There is no set rhythm. It's all over the place. There are short lines and there are long lines. Try to get a happy medium, hm?

Other than that, it's pretty sweet!