Connection

Connection

We are connected,
our bonds as strong as chains,
as soft as silk.

Imagine an explosion of pink.
Innocent temptation,
sweet as candy.

You could jerk my chain,
I'd fly through a wall for you.
I think this bond will last.

The sweet smell of summer
comes out of the wet snow,
the rotting leaves of last fall.

As long as I love you,
you will always know.
It will resonate through our chains,
ripple throuhg our silk,
accompanied by the smell of summer.



I think, a pretty successful metaphorical poem. Hope you enjoyed it.
~Yoyo

anyone care to comment?

Allright, allright

Simplistic, nice poem. I haven't got much to say here, just one thing.

The first three stanzas accentuate the "connection" you want the readers to know about, it's well written and has a nice flow. But then the fourth stanza pops in and it just seems so off, for some reason As if it has hardly anything to do with what has been said above.

As for the last stanza, exquisite, the way you brought everything forward again, nicely done

Well I hope you understand what I meant with the fourth stanza

Cheerios, Chandni

The poem's a little jumpy for my taste. It could use a little more, erm, connection.

This could be helped by being a little more specific. The "connection" between two people in love is not easily visualized, and this piece dwells too much on the lovey-dovey feeling brought on by that connection.

Anyway, about the jumping around too much. The candy thing, then the seasons, especially. Ask yourself, why are those there? What do they mean in terms of the connection? What do the seasons symbolize?

I liked that you brought back the chains and the silk in the last stanza. I especially like the line "ripple through our silk".

[s]We are connected,[/s]
our bonds as strong as chains,
as soft as silk.

The first line here is unnecessary. Both the title and the lines that follow suggest a connection, so you can just take it out and make the stanza read:
Our bonds are as strong as chains,
as soft as silk.


Colleen

I like the first few stanzas, and the last one, but I have to agree with Chandni that the fourth stanza seemed out of place. It seemed very summery up to that point - explosion of pink, sweet candy, silk - and rotting leaves just didn't go with it, I felt.

I enjoyed it. It had a nice lightness to it, not too much drama, which made it more real and believable, and at the same time sweeter and more powerful. Very nicely done.

Thank you for your suggestions! I understand what you're saying about the fourth stanza. And thanks for the compliments.

~Yoyo