1/4 of Love

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On my way to get groceries at the little shop that my mom is always sending me to, I noticed that my front tire was a little loose. Leaning over my handlebars I watched as it bumped over the crevasses in the sidewalk. The wind was blowing strong today and I wondered if that had anything to do with it. When I looked up a sudden gust whistled by my ears and suddenly I could see nothing.

“What the heecckk!” For some reason I let go of the handlebars, with both hands mind you, and just as I managed to get the paper off my face, I saw my bike run into a fire hydrant and I was sent flying. It was peaceful until I smashed into a tree. That’s going to leave a mark.

Struggling to my feet, I held my head and grabbed the paper that had almost killed me. A kid standing on the corner was laughing hysterically.
“Way to go George of the Jungle!” He said.

“Shut up,” I snarled. Looking back at the paper, getting ready to tear it in half, I stopped when I saw large print saying: “If interested for a HIGH PAYING job! Come to this address!” Hey! I know where that is! Standing up and walking back to my bike, I froze in my tracks when I noticed a pit bull peeing on it.

“On second thought, I think I’ll walk.”

By the time I reached the building my feet were throbbing because I had gotten lost several times. The first time I had taken a wrong turn and had to ask a homeless person how to get there. The second time a dog was chasing me and I had to make a detour. Then I asked this old lady but she hit me with her walking stick and told me to leave. So I finally had enough sense to look at a map at a magazine stand and found it by myself. Stupid Shinjuku! I hate you! Getting me confused and what not.

I walked in and people were signing a paper and when I was at the front of the line I shrugged and said, “If this is for the job application, why not?” Some girls were jumping up and down in the middle of the room with excitement. Some other guys were like “Dude” I looked at their faces and I think they were checkin’ the girls out. Many even looked me up and down. I felt violated. I really didn’t know where to go so I walked up to the lady sitting behind the desk. Before I said a word I over heard a couple of girls say “Let’s go to the people who do our make-up and stuff.” It seemed obvious enough.

I turned around and started to follow them. I guess they would lead me somewhere. Oh and just to let you know I’m not stalking them. I followed the girls through some double doors and all of a sudden I stopped. There were tons of mirrors and make-up and brushes. OMG. I walked in and sat down in a chair. ‘So we get our make-up and hair done in here. I get it, but what’s it for?’ I thought to myself. A cute guy walked behind my chair and said, “Hi I’m Hiro and I’ll be doing your hair and make-up today. And you are…”

“Mai, Mai Valentine,” I answered. Please don’t by gay! Please don’t be gay!
Hiro picked up a brush and started to brush my rich brown hair. I sat there staring back into my amber eyes. I was blushing! Stop it Mai! This was so embarrassing. I could see Hiro and he looked kinda cute with the smile on his face. He had light brown hair and brown eyes. He told me to stand up and walk over to the sink. I sat back down in another seat and leaned my head back. Hiro turned the hot water on and it felt really good. He took a shampoo bottle and poured some in his hands. He gently rubbed my head and rinsed out all the shampoo. I was still confused on what this was all about. Hiro moved onto the conditioner. After the last drop was wrung out on my hair he walked me back to the seat I was sitting in before. I looked into the mirror and gasped. I looked like the incredible hulks wife! Only I wasn’t green. Hiro took the blow drier and the brush to dry my hair. When Hiro was done, my hair was light and curled around my face. I thought it looked fabulous! And that’s a complement to Hiro.

I got up and hugged him and said, “Thanks so much!”

“Well I’m not done yet.” Hiro answered.

I looked at him sat back down. Make-up, right. I forgot. Hiro walked away for a moment then came back with a box of make-up. He got out foundation and put some on my face. His face was so close to mine and I could smell the cologne he was wearing and I could have swore I was drooling. Axe. He closed the case and got some purple eye shadow. I closed my eyes and I could feel his warm fingers lifting up my face. I opened my eyes and Hiro applied clear lip-gloss and I guess he was done because he turned me around to face to mirror. OMG!!!

Now I got up and hugged him. “Thank you! I love it!”
“Your welcome,” Hiro answered. “Just walk through that door pick out any outfit and they’ll call you up when it’s your turn to model. I’ll be working with the chosen model,” he winked at me and walked toward another girl sitting in a chair. He’s not gay! I began to walk away when I stopped. Did he say model? Like, in front of a camera? Where they take pictures of you and the whole public can see it!? I turned around and walked up to Hiro who was putting away all the applicators.

“Hi Hiro,” I said trying to sound like I wasn’t freaking out. “I think I miss heard you, did u say model?”

“Yeah,” he said like this was the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. “You’re in a modeling agency.”

“Oh,” I didn’t know what else to say. “Just making sure.”

When I walked through the door there were mounds of clothes!! Well they weren’t all in piles but you know what I mean. I have died and gone to heaven. Since I had purple eye shadow on I picked up a long-sleeve belly shirt that was red and had a bunch of different logos, sayings, and stuff like that. I thought well; red and white look nice together. I picked up a white mini skirt from the rack. And trust me it was mini. Oh and don’t forget the brown boots! I walked in the dressing room and tried the clothes on. They fit perfectly! I don’t think my mother would approve of them though. I even felt nervous in them because they seemed a little too much. So I pulled down the skirt as much as I could. There were tons of doors to choose from but I managed to find the right one. As soon as I walked in the judge people called “Sarina Takeda” I looked for the girl named Sarina Takeda and she was pretty! I mean prettier than me or any of us here! Sarina did a couple of cute poses and she was done. “Mai Valentine,” the judges yelled. I walked over not knowing what to do. I walked in front of the white screen.

“Whenever your ready hun,” The camera guy said. He turned on a fan and it blew my hair and my skirt shorter than it should have been. Opps.

I started to pose and the camera guy took lots of pictures. I didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing because I wanted to be original, so I turned to the side and did what I normally did for family pictures. Like my peace sign. Then I extended my hand out but so you could still see my face. The judges scribbled down some things occasionally. The people called another name and I was done. That was it. I guess it wasn’t that hard.

Well, I hope I made it! I mean I really wanted to make it and I guess the other girls did too. That’s what they’re here for, right?

Then I over heard “I hope I make it to the next round.”

What! There was a second round? Holy cow. So I’m not done. One guy in a nice suit yelled to the audition “Ya’ll need to come back tomorrow for the next round. The final list will be up shortly. If your name isn’t on it then you that means you are not going to ever go to next round.”

My heart was pounding. I didn’t know what to do! Well I obviously go check the list and see if I move on to the next round. I won’t go unknowing.

Everyone rushed out to check the list. I didn’t want to look but I did anyway. I feared rejection. Does that make any sense? I ambled out into the hall to check the bulletin board. By the time I got there everybody was gone. I checked the list for Mai Valentine. I was on the list!!!!!!!!! So now I just have to comeback tomorrow for the next round. I counted the list and only 10 people had made it. Sarina’s name was on there too. There was going to be tough completion but I was going to be the winner.

**************************************************************

The next day I rode a Taxi down to the modeling agency and went through the double doors like I did yesterday. I sat in a chair and waited for Hiro. He walked behind my chair and said, “It’s nice to see you again Mai.”

“You too,” I answered back.

He did all the stuff he did to me yesterday but this time put bronze eye shadow on me. I walked through the other set of doors and this time there was a whole new wardrobe! It was better than yesterday’s! I picked out a gold tank top with a beige corduroy jacket and a black mini skirt, and a gold pair of high heels. When I walked in the dressing room there were accessories on every hook! I picked out a pair of gold chandelier earring and a gold chain necklace. I got dressed and found the right door this time and stood there with the other people that made it. I saw Sarina so I walked over to her and said “Hi. I’m Mai and you must be Sarina.”

“Yeah. Nice to meet you Mai. I’m so nervous. What about you?”

“I’m nervous but you know if I don’t make it then I’ll just try to model somewhere else,” I answered.

The judges called up Sarina. Sarina was wearing and cute blue spaghetti strap shirt with a mini white skirt. She was perfect model material. After Sarina was done, it was my turn. I walked up to the white screen and started to do some poses, different ones from yesterday. FINALLY! I had made it through the last round!!!!

“The final list will be up shortly. It will tell who was picked for the last spot,” The announcer person in the nice suite said.

Of coarse everyone rushed out the door to look at the sheet that “will be up shortly”. Well everyone except for Sarina.

I asked, “Why aren’t you going out to see that sheet?”
“Well, the truth is that I already work for this agency so I know my name isn’t going to be that sheet,” Sarina answered.

Oh. No wonder she was so pretty. I’m such an idiot. Oh that’s right, I still needed to go check the sheet thingy. But before I do that I really want to change and get out of these heels.

I again ambled through the door with more optimism than yesterday and closed my eyes. I couldn’t look! I opened my eyes slowly and there it was! My name was on the sheet!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can’t believe it! I was actually going to model with all the famous people and all the hot guys! Oh and I get to work with Sarina. So now where do I go? I walked up to Sarina and before I said anything Sarina said “Follow me and I’ll show you around.”

I followed Sarina to an elevator and hopped on. We went to the very top level. We got off to what looked like a hotel. She took some keys out of her pocket and opened one of the doors. I walked in and Sarina flipped on the lights. WOW! There was a kings sized bed, and shower and a tub and everything else!

“This will be you room for when you have to stay and model,” said Sarina.
I said “Wow! Are you sure? I mean if I have to pay anything then I’ll be glad to walk here every morning cause…”

Sarina cut me off “No this room is for you and you don’t have to pay anything. You see when you’re a model you get free stuff and this room is one of them.”

I flopped down of the bed. Sarina left me in here alone to go check up on something. I looked around and saw a blue flip phone! Hey I found another thing that’s free!! I picked it up and dialed home. No one picked up so I left a message.

“Hey mom it’s me. I just wanted to tell you that I was chosen to model! Any way I wanted to see what you guys were up to. I’m staying at the modeling agency. I will come home tomorrow for lunch but then I probably have to start training. Well Love ya.”

I hung up the phone and walked around the room. I walked up to a door and opened it. It was a huge closet. I stepped forward to the window and opened the curtains. I had a great view of the city and the sunsets. My stomach was growling so I decided to go downstairs and get some food.

I sat down at an empty table looking at the menu. The table had a small fish bowl on it with cute little fish inside. A waiter came and asked me what I wanted for a drink. I ordered a glass of water. Then a very hot guy, and I say he was cuter than Hiro, came to my table and sat. What the heck! Was I suddenly invisible!?

“Hey Ms. Valentine. I just heard that you’ve been chosen to model here and I’ll be your manager for as long as you wish,” The guy said.

I said, “Oh well, you can call me Mai and you might be…”

“Kei Minami. But, you can call me Kei, manager, anything you like,” He finished. How ‘bout hot! I noticed he had longish brown hair and green eyes, really bright green eyes!

I stared at him for a while and looked off into space.

“Oh and I forgot to tell you,” Kei continued, “You start training for modeling tomorrow. Anyone who starts here will train for a couple of weeks and we’ll see if we need to work some more.”

I nodded my head. Tanning!?!? Alls I thought I had to do was look pretty and get my picture taken. I didn’t do much. Just looked at his beautiful, gorges face. He was hot! I hope he didn’t have a girlfriend. I was trying to work with Kei so that it wasn’t so hard to talk to him every time.

“So Kei, What do you want to eat?” I asked. I also laughed retarded like, I hope he didn’t notice.

“Oh I don’t know. Pizza I guess,” Kei answered.

The waiter came back and we ordered pizza. I started to ask some questions like, is every thing free, or like if they have a pool and gym. They were pretty stupid questions.

“Well actually I was hoping you could show me around after dinner or something,” I said with a low voice.

Kei answered, “Sure it would be my pleasure.”

So the waiter came and brought us pizza. We ate the whole thing and walked out so that Kei could show me around. This place was huge! There were four tennis courts, two pools, tree gyms, and three restaurants. This place was probably big enough to hold 20 parties all at once! AND I was going to be working here. Lucky me!

“Well, we better get to sleep because tomorrow’s a big day,” Kei said.
I nodded and we went our separate ways to our rooms.
Last edited by laugh smile everyday on Thu Mar 08, 2007 5:13 am, edited 3 times in total.




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this story is really funny!
"When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertienence."
~Thomas W. Higginson




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Original idea. I love her name.

You say everything very bluntly. Maybe you could try to show what's going on better.
Ease the reader into whatever's going on.

It had a few logic issues. Like why does she suddenly want to win so bad if she didn't even know she was in a modeling agency? Why would she let her hair and make-up be done if she didn't know what was going on?

I think you should tell the reader the gender of the main character earlier on. For example when the guys at the agency were checkin' her out, i wasn't sure what was going on there. Before i read that, i had assumed it was a boy. No reason in particular i guess.

"I nodded my head. Tanning!?!? Alls I thought I had to do was look pretty and get my picture taken. I didn’t do much. Just looked at his beautiful, gorges face. He was hot! I hope he didn’t have a girlfriend. I was trying to work with Kei so that it wasn’t so hard to talk to him every time."

In this paragraph...
Where does tanning come in?
Gorgeous is spelled wrong, but that's no biggy.

Nice story overall.
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
-Michael Pritchard




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The plot is completely unrealistic. I know this might be fiction but still it's very far fetched for any of the events you described to take place so maybe next time even do a little research.

There are alot of little finnicky bits of grammar and style you need to work out, like capitalising your I's, not using excessive exclamation marks or using the phrase 'OMG' as a single sentence. Your work also needs to flow better. The short sentences all together made it kind of awkward, especially with the jumpy pace.
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