Chionophobia #34 /P

Removed.

“Jonathon,” Dr. Colbert said, lightly tapping on the door and stepping inside.

makes me think of Steven Colbert. Ha ha.

“I could feel it. It was watching us—it spoke to us.”

I'm being reminded of, what was it, 30? And of our discussion over Ch. and the virus or what ever it is, you drop hints like wild

He had suspected something had happened to Sarah, but what would involve these two?

I don't like this sentence. Not only does it read funny, it sounds like something you wouldn't write. That is flat out telling. By the way he's shouting and yelling, we can already see this. If I were you I would strike the line out entirely. But, that is me.

“No,” Jonathon shook his head. “It was only certain patients. They—”

“What was the common denominator?”

“There wasn’t one.”

again I think of our conversation. Of course there wasn't one. They were chosen. I love having Ch talks with you. I pick up more things when I'm reading it that way...

Jonathon shifted again his seat.

missing words.

Jonathon glowered at them as he took his seat again. He didn’t like being told what to do. He never had. And he certainly didn’t like being told what to do by strangers.

for some reason your narration in this number just sounds so hokey to me, or silly. It just doesn't sound "right" maybe it even sounds forced? I'm not sure why, but when I read the narration I sort of cringe inside. It doesn't sound right. Sorry, I'm sure that isn't very helpful...

Sarah was being treated in the ER.

this sentence seems real trivial.

It's odd, I had a lot of complaints in the writing of this one XD I feel...strange. I'm actually....critiquing Ch...

I had something in my head "click" while reading. But I don't feel like revealing it *giggles* I don't like guessing, for the fear of being wrong, for the fear of being stupid. But something clicked. I have a little guess.

If there was one thing you could fix it would be that at the beginning I was left thinking 'what happened down stairs? The zombie-thing?' maybe you should clarify that THAT is what they are wanting to talk about otherwise until he starts telling the story, I'm left wondering if more has happened that we haven't been told yet....

Bravo.

Amazing. Ch. never stops surprising me. Everything was in touch with the others. Giving suspence and leaving things hanging keeping (ME) everyone interested and reading intently. And Sarah's not in the E.R., that really makes me wonder because I don't know where else she could be! That means more questions, I do have to say that you have answered some for me and I'm very greatful. actually I'm also glad you've involved more questions. That means more Chionophobia! lol, I would say I hope this never ends but I don't want to be discouraging on your part. (I hope this never ends) lol, oh well had to be said. I can't wait until # 36!

Great Job!
-Rieda