Teenager

Teenager

You ask me what’s wrong
With the world today?
But you seem to forget
I really don’t care

What happened at school?
You always ask me
Didn’t you know
I don’t pay attention?

Your corny jokes
Used to make me laugh
Now all I do is cringe
“I don’t know that person”
I find myself claiming
Didn’t you know I’m a teenager now?

Don’t do this,
Don’t do that!
What did I tell you?
Did it ever occur to you
That I don’t listen?

They call it the stink eye
It’s a patented look
That says Back Off!
Teenager coming through

The brain is dead,
Ears are turned off,
Hormones a’ raging
What a deadly combination!

But time after time
Adults seem to accept it
For they say after all,
It’s only a teenager!




This was written in the eyes of (as you know) the teenager. But just so there is no confusion, the teenager is often refering about the parents and their corny jokes, persistent questions, etc. and their frustration toward the parent.

Grammar wise, etc. my only big complaint is you could have used more punctuation.

I'm not exactly sure what to say. We get a lot of poems here about teenage life and those sort of things, and though each one says something else, when I read them, I see/feel the same thing. Nothing tends to stand out. The one thing that stood out here was that it spoke of a general teenage personality that I think everyone has at one time or another, but beyond that I really took nothing away from it.

It's assumed that people read poetry to feel emotions, to be stirred inside, to come away with a new view on life. What view are you trying to get across with this? Maybe that will help you with this poem, and the others you write. You want to make the reader feel something.

As a fellow teenager, its like my life in poetry But, as a critic, I would have to say that it could have gotten more work. Some of the things said were a bit cliché, such as not listening in class, teen thinking that parents don't understand them, etc. While yes, they are true, I feel like it just said it to me directly. I don't really know if that's a bad thing or not, but when I read poetry I like developing abstract ideas about what it is talking about.

Overall, I feel like it does capture the teenager essence of freedom and "Shove Off!", however, I think it's a bit too spread out and could've used more elaboration.

Seriena wrote:But time after time
Adults seem to accept it
For they say after all,
It’s only a teenager!

Hello!
As Claudette mentioned, you could have used more punctuation. In the above passage, I would have put in commas at the end of each line.

I liked how it flowed without rhyming. Some people seem not to comprehend that poems don't have to rhyme, and this is a perfect example of how not rhyming can be excellent!

Keep up the good work!


McMourning

I'll go ahead and restate: more punctuation.

As Clau said, teenagers are a very prominent subject here at the YWS. However, I haven't really seen one that was written from a teenage point of view but still kind of making fun of the teenage behaviors..so I applaud you on that. BUT...there is nothing here that is spectacular. The poem is seriously lacking imagery and feeling. The words are understandable right off the bat [which can be both good and bad] and it's easily relatable, but there is nothing that stands out to a reader and makes them want to read it again or look into it farther. Also, you should not have to explain your poem to the reader. In my opinion, you didn't have too...but the sheer fact that you did makes me think that you think it's confusing and doesn't make sense. Believe me, if we don't get the poem we are going to tell you; we definitely are not shy.
This really just needs some serious poetic elements.

Happy Editing!
WM

I felt like you were going for a certain emotion, but I got confused. I couldn't tell if you were trying to be somewhat sarcastic "This is how adults see us, aren't they stupid?" or if you were being serious, you really do feel that way about your teenage years. Most teens deny that apathy that is the theme of your poem, most of us claim that we're hiding our feelings, that we do care, we just don't let on. Which is it? Are you writing as a teen who says "I hate this apathetic stereotype, it's incredibly stupid," or as one who says "Hey! We teens are being uncaring losers, we need to start showing some emotion!"?

Also, I was confused about who you were talking to. At the beginning, it seemed like you were talking to an adult "Your corny jokes," but then, you mention adults as though neither you nor your reader is an adult. Who are you talking to? Teenagers or adults?

I did like a few of your lines, and it had good rhythm, but it was muddled in its purpose and emotion. Sit down with it and ask yourself what your point was, and see how you could make that point more clear. Ask yourself how you want us to feel, and what words and rhythms will make us feel that way.