my valentines wishes

my valentine wishes

i would like a bouquet of poppies.
red poppies. or multicolored poppies.
with butterflies in them. butterflies and
stars inside my multicolored poppies.
butterflies and stars and perfume and
poems in my multicolored poppies.
i also don't want chocolate.
i want a moleskine notebook with
a love letter written on the inside cover.
or the first page, whatever, doesn't matter.
and a kiss. a hesitant sweeping starlit kiss
of sparkling movement and passionate
mad love. a kiss with love flying behind
like an insane driver with carnations in
her hair. that's what i want.

Mmm, this poem was delicious! It was quirky, kind of beautifully so. The voice is great; you did a good job of speaking to and interesting the reader. I got a nice feeling from this one.

Still, though, something is missing. While these words are quirkily beautiful, where do they go? What is the speaker trying to express? Perhaps that these things don't really happen? That you can't pick and choose in life? I'm not saying that the poem should blurt out some larger meaning and ruin itself, but I felt like it was a little incomplete. Perhaps the last sentence should mean something: "that's what i want." Want, as in, won't get? Hmm. Alternately, you could disregard everything I just said because it's not really coherent.

butterflies and stars and perfume and
poems in my multicolored poppies.

Perhaps "poems" should not be here, because the speaker mentions a love poem in the notebook later on. Oh, no, that's a love letter. Anyway, poems seemed really out-of-place here. "Poetry" might sound better.

Nice work!
Colleen

I like it, too! I think perhaps you should add something contrasting want you're wishing for with what you actually get. Or "but you won't do that because..." Or "If only someone/cared enough/to give me something/on Valentine's Day."
I like the non-capitalization, which usually bugs me to no end, but you used it well, it fit in with the oddball quality of the poem.
I believe that "moleskine" should be "moleskin." Ew! Moleskin journal? Rodents...*shudders, thinks of droppings, claws, disease...* But, again, it adds to the...eccentricity, I guess.
And poppies, not your typical Valentine's flower, but it works here.
The contrast was a little sharp, though, between flowers, which most girls (I'm guessing you're a girl...) want, and a...rodent-skin journal...and then a love letter...but it worked. You made your poem odd, and because of that, you can get away with anything. Kudos.

This was really nice. Besides the fact that the i's were lowercase and the whole thing sort of read like a paragraph. Maybe...some lines will work?

I know this flows a certain way but I think something is really missing in the layout department and I think some separating might do the trick. Anyway as far as content is concerned, I loved it. Very fun and deep at the same time. Good job.

Keep it up!
~Rieda

thank you all for the lovely comments! this was just a sort of brain-dump kind of poem, and is actually a part of a larger compilation of thoughts, (which is why it does not have a satisfactory conclusion...) but i was rather pleased with this little section so i decided to cut i out and post it, since i hadn't posted anything for a while. but anyway, this is a moleskine notebook:

they are my absolute favorite. very nice simple well made noteboooks. i don't think it is actually rodent skin.

*phew*
That would have been really really nasty...
I was a little bit scared of you for a moment there...

i know haha! i like your avatar... reminds me of a poem my friend wrote, called "Cake, Not Hate". funny stuff.