Shadows

The shadows in the corner of the room are coming nearer,
They are coming closer and closer each day,
Spreading slowly out from that dark corner of my mind,
where they used to lie dorment.
Eventualy they will consume me,
Consume my every thought, wish and dream,
until I am nothing but the empty shell of what I used to be.

Any plan that could have succeded will remain untouched,
Any hope for the future will remain dead in the past.

So this ocean that once was raged with passion,
will become calmer than a frozen sea,
And you will look at me and think
what happend?



I'm not really good at poetry, but I hope to improve. This is quite a short poem and I would really appreciate comments.

"where they used to lie dorment." - "dormant"

"Eventualy they will consume me," - "eventually"

"So this ocean that once was raged with passion," - I think that the "was" is unnecessary.

I enjoyed this, there was not very much structue but it did flow quite well and didn't stumble. I would try to add some definite rhythm and specific number of syllables per line but that's just the way I like it. You use capital letters at the beginning of almost every line, either do all or none.

In terms of the context it was a little depressing but it served its purpose well. You leave it very open-ended which I think is effective and leave many questions unanswered. Good work, keep going.

i really liked the poem. i think too many ppl get tied down by trying 2 follow patterns and trends and stuff rather than just writing from the heart, which is the only real place poetry comes from. you wrote from the heart and i thought the poem had really good flow, even if it was slightly depressing.

sorry that iv gone all pyschoanalyist and stuff on your poem, but that's just the way i am i guess.

I agree with blonde&confused. I always thought poems that always
follow patterns and rhyme in every sentence were to plain. keep it up.