Valentines Day is here again and I really wish it weren't...
It came again last year, so what's the point of it again this year?
Candys in rectangle boxes are
just as good as candy in heart shaped ones.
Duh. Get it through your mind!
"It's the thought that counts" apparently
died many, many years ago...
But to replace yoru thoughts and empty your wallets
they have:
Chocolate and candy, frilly laces
in white, pink, red, and once, blue.
Teddy bears, those plush bears,
sometimes even bears that kiss.
Humorous love cards, just love cards,
Cards that were meant to say
"I was thinking of you but ran outta cash
So I picked this one from a merchant drifter."
There is even "special" lengerie
from fluff trimmed bras, to candy underwear.
Nothing like getting underwear between your teeth!
There are shaving kits, dazzled up,
The red on the blades aren't that settling...
Oh and the fake rolex watches suddenly become REAL
The moment February is a month.
And don't forget the pizza that is
made ESPECIALLY in a heart shape for you.
Ooh, and also, that Stupid Cupid on every
goddamn three-hued pink pair of socks!
Symbols of love gone down the drain to
symbolize what a chump YOU are for
believing that a dinner anywhere, with
a bottle of champange is "romantic."
Lest we forget the cheap diamonds,
cheap gold, probably fools, although pretty, it's cheap,
low quality, low content, crap that was
raised seven hundred dollars and is now half off.
(That's how they work, doncha know?)
Hearts are everywhere, even in roses
Buy a dozen get two roses free!
And if buying her twelve dozen roses, a red bra,
a journey diamond pendent (he went to Jared BITCH!),
a plush teddy bear that lights up and goes "SMOKING HOT MAMA!"
when you put it to another bear with the opposite "gender",
doesn't get her in bed with you, then,
For God's sake, man, you're not gonna get laid.
