Another Valentine's Day

Another Valentine's Day

I'm the one who dances
with a ball and chain,
making my heart race.
Not your face.

A single red rose
for Valentine's Day
left frozen in the snow.
Fuck this holiday.

Ah, my sentiments exactly.

The first and third stanzas were strong in terms of feeling and tone. The second one, not so much. It was limp and kind of whiny, and I feel like I've heard it a million times before.

The whole thing about a red rose in the snow is kind of cliche but I feel like I can completely excuse it because of the final statement. It's just so strong.

As a poem, not the best, but it was very successful in creating the angry tone and pessimistic mood. Great feeling, but nix the second stanza entirely.

That metaphor about dancing with a ball and chain is great, too, and you don't have to say, "dragging me down" after it. It's obvious that a ball and chain will drag a person down.

Colleen

Yeah, I totally agree with you. I just wasn't to sure. Thank you!

Yay! Bye-bye second stanza. Now it's kind of short and sweet. Short and sour, rather. Nice. I'm really pleased there was a snowday today. I didn't have to go to school on V-Day and see everyone being all mushy. (Last year I was actually kind of in a relationship and he gave me chocolate and it was so awkward...but, yeah, we don't have to go into that.)

I really like that "Not your face" bit.

Colleen

I like it. I especially like the finality of the last lines of both stanzas. I like the images, too - particularly the image of someone dancing with a ball and chain (I know it was supposed to be a metaphor, but it's a great image in this context, too.) Nice job. I applaud your sentiments.

Hehe! Thank you. Lucky... we almost had a snow day today. But, mmmm... chocolate. ^_^ If only. >.<

*doom & gloom*
~Yoyo

I'm glad it's over. Of course, everyone at school had their V-Day festivities today, so I still had to put up with it.

The single red rose in the snow reminded me of our snowday. It's just such a sad image, like, "Here is a rose. It is dead. And cold. Like my heart. I hate this holiday. *depressing*"

Hehe Sorry to stir up envy, but we had a snow day on V-Day and today. Yep. Definitely the height of my winter. And then we have school tomorrow, where our teachers can't expect us to have done anything since we didn't bring the hw home with us (or so we'll say), and then we're on break for a week. I'm thinking of sending my superintendent a carnation... "Roses are red, Violets are blue, I love snow days so I love you", perhaps... these were our first snow days in three years!! The student body must show gratitude. Maybe if we all sent carnations...

lol I really liked this. That is exactly how I felt. Great points on passion for the poem and connecting with your readers.

dont we all feel like that at the end of the day? I know i do. Loved this poem!

Hehehe... thanks Rieda and Lucy. Yeah, about snow days... we hadn't had any in years either until this year. We've had four now, two of which were back-to-back in a row. ^_^ It was great. And the carnations to your superintendent is a good idea. Maybe we shoulda done that. ;D And praise the Lord that the day of mushy depressedness is over with. *headdesk*

I loved this poem and totally agree with it. Valentine's day sux! i didn't get to see any of my friends on it because i was out of state. But one upside is a guy that i liked was asking if id be back for v'day but i wasn't that lucky. Anyways loved the poem especially the dancing with a ball and chain part and the rose in the snow. Keep it up!

~~*Patootie*~~

"making my heart race,
Not your face."

What? That doesn't make sense.

I think it meant that the dancing with the ball and chain was causing the heart to race. The subject's face was not making the speaker's heart race.

Colleen