Who am I?

Please please please please please please do not mind my grammer and punctuation this is just a draft.


Who am I?


Who am I but a stranger
A shadow on a wall
I am nothing but a changer
A waiting a great fall

If off a cliff I shall stumble
I don't think anyone would care
For it doesn't matter if I mumble
In my heart there is a tear

My world is collapsing around me
Like a unfinished thesis
There is nothing to see
My feelings are merely puzzle pieces

I want to cry
I want to hide
All I want to do is sigh
No one is on my side

My story is not done
My mind is in frustration
I am not important for some
People look at me with hesitation

I wish I could be smart
Like a director working on a seen
You might as well wheel me off in a cart
For I am just an average teen

You said not to but I might as well:

"A waiting a great fall" - should be "awaiting"

"Like a unfinished thesis" - "an" unfinished thesis

"Like a director working on a seen" - should be "scene"


This is good but most of the rhyming words sound very contrived, if the words don't come smoothly and keep with the rhythm then don't bother with a rhyme scheme.

You don't use any punctuation, commas would make it more readable because sometimes the passage from one line to the next needs a break.

However, it is a very empathetic piece, i like the idea but don't try to make the poem around the rhyming words, it doesn't work.