It's good, but it seems to have been rushed, and just slapped down. The reapting lines have it tottering on the edge of being a poem. Have you tried song lyrics?
I dislike it as a poem, but it's wonderful as song lyrics.
Why not a poem???
A poem, defined by Dictionary.com, is a composition in verse, esp. one that is characterized by a highly developed artistic form and by the use of heightened language and rhythm to express an intensely imaginative interpretation of the subject.
This lacked many poetic elements that could've made it better. It's not bad. Oh no! It's just not as good as it could be, you know?
The ingredients for good poems are:
The recipe! (The idea.) Think it out for at least thirty seconds before you start writing.
The dry ingredients! (The words.) The words you choose are so important. The thesaurus can go half-way through, and then you need to figure the rest.
The wet ingredients! (The rhythm.) Is it ta-da, ta-da, ta-da, or is it ta-di-di, ta-di-di, ta-di-di, ta-di-di? It's what makes the poem tick, what makes it rich and beautiful.
The spices! (Imagery, alliteration, etc.) These are what brings your grade from B to A, what makes us say WOW! what makes the bland taste disappear. Moderation is not needed for this one--let them pour out!
The oven! (Metaphores/similies.) Cook the cake to perfection! Those also use in abundance! Never have too little!
Wow. That was fun and long.
Anyway, pm me if you want me to re-critique this after you add some of these!
I do, however, think that you might want to sepatate this into stanza's, having the "wake up" head each stanza. I do agree about the one non-rhyming line in the poem, it seems out of place, a little odd. That can, no doubt, be easily fixed with a short rhyming word instead of "good." ^.^
I do not agree that this is not a poem. It presents one view, and in its own way, exhibits imaginaive interpretation of the supject matter, waking up ^.^ It is a poem if it is Fans interpretation of a poem. I cannot see how one can mould poetry into specific types and froms. It seems hardly possible.
Well, thats my rant ^.^
I liked it ^.^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
Hhhmm...
Meh. This was good, but as a poem, I feel it should have more imagery and emotion. This is just basically a rhyming chant and all we get from this is that someone wants someone else to wake up.
There's nothing wrong with being simple, but I think you should add more depth to this.
-Ayra
